In memoriam of my mother

Rajab is a special month of remembering my dearest mother. It is the month when she met her Lord in the year of 22 Rajab 1426H based on Islamic calendar or 27 August 2005M based on Gregorian calendar.



In the late night last week, I watched a Chinese kungfu film under titled Fong Sai Yu 2. I was touched as it came to the scene of him saving her mother. She was tortured by his foe and used as a bait to bring him out of his hiding. His devotion to his mother and the love they shared as mother and son had me reflected on my mother. As I watched them, I remembered my mother. I missed her. The silence of the night and the thought of her had my eyes easily in tears.

But then I also know she was in me. Her wonderful memory stays fresh. My black hair is from her gene that get me proud for its natural color is as dark as night. My Quran reading is her teaching that enable me to reading it. My prayers and reading the Quran habit are her imitation for she had set the example in her everyday life. My hick-up if I ate dry meal too fast was a reminder of her, for she had the same hick-up.

I missed her physical figure in a wish to be able to touch her, to give her hug, to kiss her hands, to buy her present and to talk in silence. Of all the talk we ever had, I remembered about her reluctance to let me go and work in another island so far away from home. And I didn't fulfill her wish. I am sorry for that. Yet I returned home before her deceased, so I guessed I finally fulfilled her wish. And I will always remember her comment that she gave in rhetoric about me. She said 'who would ever hate you if they know you?'. I thought it was the best compliment she could ever tell me that I am lovable even as a daughter. †ђąηk ўσυ Mother.

one morning with her in our
last family holiday

When I was in trip with my great spiritual teacher, in Pekalongan he told a story about one of companions of the great prophet Muhammad SAW, Sa'ad bin Abi Waqqash who was very devoted to her mother though he was a disbeliever. And through his devotion he received high rank as among ten of his companions who were told to be the inhabitants of heaven by the great prophet Muhammad SAW. And later in the evening, as we were in the hotel, a thought came across that I really wished I could by something for my mother. And that evening, after having dinner, his wife asked me to accompany her to check something in the shop at the side of the lobby. When she walked with her husband, she wanted to buy something, yet she didn't want to do it because other students were following them. They all wanted to pay yet, they didn't want to hurt their feeling for refusing their kindness. At that time, my great spiritual teacher only buy a saroong and she didn't buy anything.

That evening as she asked me to accompany her, I knew my wish was granted. After booked the items for we didn't bring any money yet, we went to her room to get some money. There I told her and asked her to allow me to pay for the items. At first she refused, because she had been told by her husband - my great spiritual teacher to not taking advantage from any students. I told her that she wasn't. In a shaky voice I told her that it was of my wish to buy a present for my own mother. Something that I couldn't do to her in person, so I considered her as my mother. We ended up crying and laughing for our weak eyes. And she let me do it. And I was content for the wish was fulfilled.

A body of Light to me

The other month, I read through an article written by the great sufi scholar Ibn Arabi about the Body of Light. He was writing it based on his experience of his dying father. The signs on his father had him convinced about the people of Light. As I read through the article, I remember you dear Mother. I knew you as one of the people of Light. Two to three years before you left this world, I had a dream about your departure in the form of bright light. It convinced me to go home and be with you. The week you died was the week that stays fresh in my mind. For I have all my conscience aware of the dream coming true. It is still fresh because it was divine though it was sad. It taught me about the meaning of life and death. It taught me the reality of the Truth.

So you're really here Mother, though not physically but in spirit I know you are here with me. And my love for you will always be in my heart. In my prayer I thank Allah for giving you as my mother and wish you the best place by His side.

Rest in Peace dearest Mother. I love you eternally!