As celebration may be expected by many and the wish of happiness is sent my way, I don’t really celebrate it in the way that people may think of. I took liberty of being lazy and actually almost forgot that today was my birthday.
After late night, I woke up late. then continued my reading, a bad habit that coming back to me lately. Yes, I consider this reading as bad habit. For in the light of Self Knowledge, instead of reading other people’s story. I should read more on my life story, writing it down in action as to how the moment, the life and the breath that i is handed to me freely shouldn’t be taken for granted.
Well, in a way continued reading the book that had bitter sweet story finally had me thinking of my set and my life. So you can say it was worth reading :).. pardon me if this may sound as excuse dear God. Reaching the end of the story, had me thinking of myself, reflecting it on my life and see how I would do it in my own way.
One thing for sure is that I will do and had done it before is that I’m not going to get drunk to numb myself over a broken heart. I had my mother died and I only had my tears some days and then trying to cope with the goodbye in best manner I could think of. Living up her memory in my mind is one of them. I had the dear one rejected me and I had only tears some days and then trying to cope with the reality of it in best manner I could think of, Taking the good side of the situation and be positive with life.
And looking back into a chapter that has been closed by today, I see changes though not much but I see it. I see opportunity presented. I see a setback and I see advancement. Something is fading and something is growing. the color of life is there. I had a good laugh and sad tears though not that many. The good laugh is what I remember most.
I had spaghetti for my brunch, half eaten just to get my stomach filled. It’s simple meal that I can cook in my room without having to go downstair and meet every one. All I had to do is use my water heater and put the raw spaghetti in the boiling water. The chicken sauce is already packed in it. Half way through the meal, I felt full and I was wondering why. I normally ate it all with nothing left except for the plate hahaha…Then I thought it must be the snack I took before. And I said to myself it’s okay then. I don’t live to eat. I eat when I’m hungry and when the hunger is fulfilled, I’m content with it.
In between I continued reading and had some tears rolled down my cheek when it come to the sad part of long distance relationship, in loving a man with tough cause to live his life and in coping with the society that she didn’t feel like fit into it. And she was a writer and how her life problem drained her ability to write something that she used to do it so easily. I couldn’t help crying. The naiveté thing about it is I don’t cry because of me but because of the story…. and it’s just a story. not a real thing.
Later in the afternoon as I almost come to the end of the story, this girl coming to my room. She wanted me to help with her homework. Well, I let her in and promised her to check her math homework after taking my bath. So I did. Wash my long hair and get my self fresh and did my prayer. There is no special prayer for my birthday. It was just a normal prayer like any other day. A prayer for my parents, a prayer for blessing here and after, prayer for remembrance, gratitude and and being a good servant.
After that I checked her homework and saw how she did the calculation. It was correct but I found it quite complicated to get to the answer. It was an algebra question. So I told her something about math. I know she doesn’t really like math but have no choice but to do it. I told her that math is good for our brain. It was a way to activate the brain cells to grow and multiply itself. And in way it helps to lay a pattern in logical thinking, how to solve the problem logically and efficiently. it is a matter of simplification not to complicate the problem. And she laughed and again I told her, that I bet she didn’t have this kind of information from her math teacher at school or at the tutorial institution she went to. And she nodded.
As evening came and I did my evening prayer, she got a call from her parents asking her to go with them to other village. She left me with her untidy books and stationary laying on the floor and asked not to move it because she’d be back later about 9pm. So I did. I had a visitor coming to get her order and then I wrote this.
In a way my mind was still lingering on the story I read today. I was thinking what would I do in coping with the problem. I realized as I laid myself to get my sleep that the woman shouldn’t feel so broken hearted with the situation and get herself drunk to numb her mind Yes, farewell is inevitable. it is part of life. Accepting it as the best thing to do. It takes different heart and mind to be able to do that. I know hers and mine are different. And more importably there is no alcohol in my blood. Those people who are so used to alcohol or drugs in order to numb their mind and feeling over some problems. I for one is more on remembrance of Allah and taking hidden wisdom from life’ events.
Is this a happy story of birthday celebration? You tell me. Is this a sad story of birthday mourning? definitely no. It is a peaceful story of my birth day after so many years ago. A peaceful day where I just take the day as it.
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| A new beginning |
May His Guidance be the strong one to lead me through it.
May His Light keep on shining and lighting my path to be closer to Him.
May He strengthen my faith and steady my feet in walking the path of life.
May His company always be the best company that I ever have.
May His blessing keep the good in me to be good for others.
Ameen.
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