In The Eyes Who Behold

Last weekend I visited my hometown. And I met up two of my friends, one is male the other is female. Both already married and have children. The female one is my childhood best friend. And the male one is my later friend. You may say I am his mentor for he is several years younger than me. First time we met about 2004s after I returned home from Batam island. He was my cousin's friend who'd been my English student. They got in touch with me in different situation. And their difference is caused by Self Knowledge.

In memoriam of my mother

Rajab is a special month of remembering my dearest mother. It is the month when she met her Lord in the year of 22 Rajab 1426H based on Islamic calendar or 27 August 2005M based on Gregorian calendar.

An Eclipse in Friendship

Once upon a time there were two girls, let say their names were Franny and Jane. They met when they were in secondeary school but getting closer when they shared a room in school dormitory. Franny was a senior while Jane was her junior. They're friendship started there and kept on growing until Franny finished her higher education and had to leave the dorm. She decided to live in the nearby area by renting a house not long before she got married to her boyfriend.

Another kind of pilgrimage (7 - end)

Being a Servant

Since I wasn't even mentioned to accompany the journey of my great spiritual teacher, I knew that my presence was an addition. As an addition, I could either became a burden or a complement to the group. I chose to be the latter by taking position as a servant. It is of my privilege to be a servant in this trip. I had a chance to serve my great spiritual teacher and his assistance and at the same time observed his wife in taking care of his needs, reminding him of the schedule and seeing how happy they're.

Being a servant to me is about being attentive to the needs of others and understanding their habits. Sometimes she needed me, sometimes she didn't need me. When we're in hotel or restaurant and I was in demand, I got myself ready to get the things they needed or contacted the host for what should be arranged or under her instruction assisted the guests who wanted to see him and made myself to be as quiet as I could be. When she wanted her privacy - she didn't want to tell me but I read her way, so I withdrew and disappeared myself from the room.

And during public events, they certainly didn't need me because there's local host to care for them. So I did what I thought would be beneficial to the bigger group, the community outside the local people who attended the event. I took notes on his speech and shared them with the other students by internet or taking pictures as office documentation for the trip. I was glad that the notes and pictures I took were then used as the source article in our community magazine.

All these service was done not because they obliged me to do it. It was from my heart to express my gratitude to the teaching that he had given me, to the kindness that they showed upon me and most importantly to the Divinity that bond us in this special kind of relationship. This is how I fulfill the four of promises require from the students of Thariqah Shiddiqiyyah; that I am capable to devote myself to Allah, that I am capable to devote myself to Rasulullah, that I am capable to devote myself to my parents, that I am capable to devote myself to humanity. The other three promises are the capability to love our country, the capability to practice the teaching and the capability to value the time.

The Love of a Servant

Being a servant is a challenge in its own way. Because it is about understanding other people's needs and diminishing our personal ego and let ourselves be the hands and the feet to do things while the brain and the heart are belonged to someone else, the one we served. To be able to do it sincerely, one had to have the mind as pure as water and the heart as clean as a mirror.

And there has to be a connection between the servant and the master. The connection they have must be out of love not of obligation. One who think the serving is out of obligation will not find any pleasures in doing the things they're doing. But the one who serve because of love will find the pleasures in doing what they're doing especially when the master was pleased with their service. But when the master wasn't pleased with their service, those who do it out of obligation will get irritated and angry but those who do it out of love will be unhappy and seek forgiveness and trying to better themselves in serving their master.

From this love then the service the servant render were transformed to become an act of devotion. That no longer the service is done in time of need but it is also at the time of unneeded. For at the time of unneeded, our disappearing is also part of the devotion itself. It is like the devotion of these eyes, when we want to read, we want them to be able to see the letters and words. But when we want to sleep, we want them to close not open and doing the reading. In Bhagavad Gita these devotional service is called bhakti yoga. My being servant to my great spiritual teacher is because I see him to be the one that has guided me towards My Lord, My Creator. It is of my gratitude to My Lord that I do my service.

A story of devotion

In teaching us to be a good servant to our Lord, there is a story of Mahmoud and Ayaz in the book of The Conference of the Birds (Mantiq at Tair) :

Shah Mahmoud called Ayaz to him and gave His crown and throne to this bewitching slave, then said: ‘You are the sovereign of these lands; I place my mighty army in your hands, I wish for you unrivalled majesty, that you enslave the very sky and sea.’

But when the soldiers heard of this, their eyes grew black with envy they could not disguise. ' What emperor in all the world,’ they say, ‘Has heaped such honours on a servile head?’ Though even as they murmured Ayaz wept that what the king decreed he must accept;

The courtiers said to him: ‘You are insane to change from slave to king and then complain!’ But Ayaz answered them: ‘O, rather say my king desires me to be far away. To lead the army and be occupied in almost any place but by his side. What he commands I’ll do, but in my heart, we shall not -- for one instant -- live apart; and what have I to do with majesty? To see my king is realm enough for me.’

If you would be a pilgrim of the Truth, learn how to worship from this lovely youth. Day follows night -- you argue and protest and cannot pass the first stage of our quest. Each night you chatter as the hours pass by and send Orion down the dawning sky. And still you linger -- though another day has broken, you’re no further on your way. 

From highest heaven they came to welcome you, and you made lame excuses and withdrew! Alas! You’re not the man for this; your thoughts see hell’s despair and heaven’s wondrous courts -- Forget these two, and glory’s radiant light will stage by stage emerge from darkest night; the pilgrim does not long for paradise -- Keep back your heart; He only will suffice.

Conclusion

In short, having this short episode of life, O can reflect it to this whole journey of life. Because in a way this life is indeed a journey. And in this journey of life, the experience we have can either be pleasant or unpleasant, good or bad. Once we understand how to see beyond what is happening, we have a choice to make it as pleasant and good as we want it to be. The term pleasant and good may vary from one person to another, but even for this we have a choice to take the true pleasing and goodness or not.

And I think being a servant is the best job and position we can choose. Not just a common servant but the servant of Allah, The Most High. For in being His servant, we can truly capable to be the true servant of human being. And being a servant is about being in love. In anything we do, when there is no love then all the action become just a chore with grumblings and complaints even reluctance here and there. Yet, when the foundation of the action is love, being servant becomes an act of adoration and devotion. The reward of this service is joy. And we all are made with the default to have an affinity with joy.

In this pilgrimage of life, be a devoted servant and let there be love and joy along the way.

Another kind of pilgrimage (6)

Courtesy to The Creator

Talk about being courteous, it may be common for us to be courteous to other, but what about being courteous to our Creator? Some may find it pretty absurd for the idea of being courteous only applied when they have met or known the other person. And since The Creator is mysterious and placed so high above in Heaven, some may think that there's no need to be courteous to their Creator, that they think of doing anything they want, wish or desire to do up to the point that they have no shame in doing it. So why must we be courteous to Him while we're living in this planet earth?

Well, for me, the idea being courteous to The Creator, our Lord is the highest courtesy we can perform. This courtesy is the foundation in being courteous to other creatures. Those who are aware of His ever presence will guard their attitudes within rule and just. In their feeling of gratitude for His grace and mercy, every effort they make will be in gaining His Approval.

In following the Muslim's courtesy to The Creator, there is one important message from our great prophet Muhammad SAW that said that anything that is started without Bismillahirrohmanirrohiim will be a misfortune. Reflected it to permission matter, I realized this is it. For one should realize in anything they're doing that it is by the grace and mercy of our Lord we are able to do anything while living this life. That in our remembrance to Him we are as the guest in this planet earth is asking permission to do the things we want to do. That in our remembrance to Him we are inwardly seeking His strength and guidance in doing our intention.

The courtesy in seeking His permission can also be stated in the form of action. Some people may say things that is different from their action. That's why asking permission in the form of action is more difficult than by verbal. A man who courted a woman knew how difficult it was when he was to get permission from her father / guardian to take her out or to marry her. He had to prepare his heart and mind for what he so wished to happen yet also needed to prepare for the unexpected answer or outcome.

There was a story from our great prophet Muhammad SAW about permission. Before the marriage happened, the great prophet Muhammad SAW had divine vision that Zainab bint Jahsh RA was going to be his wife. At that time, she was married to Zaid bin Haritsah RA, who was known as his adopted son which according to Islamic law shouldn't be called Zaid bin Muhammad. But at that time, people made their own assumption following the past tradition. What happened to the Prophet SAW inwardly? Only Allah knew and He related the story for us to learn the lesson.

It was a difficult situation. Because the man told him SAW about their marriage situation and he asked him to work the things out though he had divine vision of what would happen. He SAW couldn't ignore what the heart had known, yet he SAW also needed to maintained his fair judgment and put aside his self interest towards the situation. It was by God's grace that the couple made their conscious decision to divorce. And after Zainab bint Jahsh had gone through her iddah, the divine vision indeed happened. All this situation was recorded in the Qur'an "And [remember, O Muhammad], when you said to the one on whom Allah bestowed favor and you bestowed favor, "Keep your wife and fear Allah ," while you concealed within yourself that which Allah is to disclose. And you feared the people, while Allah has more right that you fear Him. So when Zayd had no longer any need for her, We married her to you in order that there not be upon the believers any discomfort concerning the wives of their adopted sons when they no longer have need of them. And ever is the command of Allah accomplished." [QS 33:37]

As much as he knew the idea of marrying her, the great prophet Muhammad SAW thought what people would say of him in doing something against the society tradition. He SAW knew that without His permission he couldn't take Zainab from his adopted son. Though without doubt his adopted son would give her to him for their marriage life had been in trouble at that time. Only when they had fully finished their episode of life, by the grace of Allah Zainab bint Jahsh RA then entered into his life as his wife to state the new rule for Muslim people.

By the permission of Allah in arabic is bi idznillah. This words may not be a common words to many of us, because we rely most of our success and opportunity to our hard effort, our own strength or something that support our effort. But I hear this word bi izdnillah quite often in the community, at least from my great spiritual teachers and his assistance  They weren't scholar or so called science expert, yet so often people ask their guidance and assistance to solve their problems from sickness to mental problem to financial problem to work problem to family problem even to community problem. And by the grace of Allah using the Quranic verses, natural herbs or water or combine them with some some instruction they succeeded in helping them. Yet they are aware that their success belong to Allah for without His permission they won't be able to do it moreover successfully. I ever read that healing practice using Quranic verses also practiced by Chisti Order (Thariqah Chistiyyah).

Here is the fine line that differentiate the common educated men to the men of Knowledge (Ulil al Baab). The men of Knowledge know that whatever they achieve through knowledge they have is by the permission and by the grace of Allah. This differentiation thus resulted in the way they live their life.

Another Kind of Pilgrimage (5)

Pemission Matters

In one of the visited sites, after the ceremony had started quite a while, my colleague who sat next to me whispered something to one of the host committees. I wasn't sure what's going on, for the guy who was told kind of hesitated to do it. So I asked him what happened. And he told me that the host hadn't told our great spiritual teacher to enjoy the coffee and tidbits that were served in front of him. And I looked to his direction and saw that he didn't touch them until the host told him to enjoy them. And only after he took the cup that was in front of him that his assistance also started to enjoy the drinks and snacks in front of them. I realized and learned about the value of being courteous  understanding who's the host and who's the guest, understanding who we're in any location we visited, taking to heart the importance of permission and being careful and to pay attention even to the small matter.

I looked at myself and I see how careless I was in many things I did. Even in this journey, I was at fault that got me feeling ashamed of myself. And I learned my lesson. It happened when we were on the way home. We went to bookstore and I accompanied his wife. I bought mine and she bought hers but the money wasn't enough so I used mine without telling her. And the total amount paid, had me t-shirt as a bonus and I claimed it without telling her either. And then we went to batik boutique. Again, she asked me to pay in cashier using her money. Not a penny was mine. And again I had CD as the bonus. Not just one but two same discs of national songs. I told her about the bonus, but when I took one of CDs I hadn't asked her permission, making my own assumption that she would permit it.

As I sat in the car on the way home, my conscience telling me I was at fault. I felt ashamed of myself. So I sent her a message to her mobile asking apology for not asking her permission in taking the disc and opened it and played it in the car. And I promised myself that I would returned them all, the t-shirt and the CD. By the time we got to the restaurant, I gave them to the driver and told him, they're hers. As I met her in the restaurant, again I apologized verbally to her and told her that I had given the items back.

Of course, she said to me that it was alright, that the disc should remain in the car, that I didn't have to return it. For her it may not be a big problem and they may mean nothing. But my conscience and shameful feeling had me returned them all. That small matter had got me heavy in the heart. As always, rather than having a feeling regret and remorse for knowing being at fault but not doing anything about it, I did what my heart, my conscience telling me to do. All of this happened within me. It was between me and my Lord. And as I did what my heart told me to, I felt lighter. I learned my lesson to be more careful and pay attention to even the small matter that seemed meaningless. For even the smallest matter will be measured (99: 7-8)

So whoever does an atom's weight of good will see it, 

And whoever does an atom's weight of evil will see it.