Doa Syukur

Hari ini adalah hari ulang tahunku.
Tiada yang patut dirasa selain syukur.
Doa syukur adalah yang sepantasnya terucap untuk masa yang telah terlalui baik dalam susah dan gembira, buruk dan baik, salah dan benar. Karena dengan petunjuk dan pertolonganNya, yang susah telah diubah menjadi gembira, yang buruk telah diubah menjadi baik dan yang salah telah diperbaiki menjadi benar. Semua dan segalanya telah menjadikan sesuatu ini bisa diberi nama hidup dan kehidupan.
Terima kasih Tuanku. Terima kasih Tuhanku.


Alhamdulillah al-Mun'im al Mufdhil 
atas hidup ini beserta dengan segala isinya.
Dan aku mohon kepadaMu tetapkanlah aku di atas jalanMu.

Alhamdulillah al-Mun'im al Mufdhil 
atas Rasulullah Muhammad SAW
Shalawat dan salam semoga senantiasa terlimpah curah kepada Beliau beserta keluarganya dan para sahabatnya
Dan semoga semoga kelak syafaatnya akan kami dapatkan di hari kiamat.

Alhamdulillah al-Mun'im al Mufdhil 
atas kedua orang tuaku, Ibu Chayanah binti Sulkhan dan Bapak Katarimin bin Abi Rofi'i
Kasihilah mereka ya Allah sebagaimana mereka mengasihiku, ampunilah dosa dan kesalahan mereka, 
serta tempatkanlah mereka di tempat yang terbaik disisi Engkau

Alhamdulillah al-Mun'im al Mufdhil 
atas kedua pembimbing ruhaniku Bapak Kyai Mochammad Muchtar Mu'thi dan Prem Rawat
Berikanlah kepada mereka kekuatan, kesehatan, panjang umur dan pertolongan dari sisi Engkau
dalam melaksanakan amanat menyampaikan pesan Islam dan Damai bagi seluruh alam

Alhamdulillah al-Mun'im al Mufdhil 
atas keluarga, sahabat dan teman-teman serta para guru yang telah Engkau berikan kepadaku
Berikanlah kepada mereka kesejahteraan, kesehatan, bimbingan dan petunjuk
agar senantiasa berada di jalan yang benar.

Alhamdulillah al-Mun'im al Mufdhil 
atas kesempurnaan, pertolongan, bimbingan, petunjuk, hidayah, keselamatan, kesehatan,
keberkahan, kecukupan, keberlimpahan, rezeki, keluarga, sahabat, teman-teman 
yang telah Engkau berikan kepadaku
Dan jadikanlah aku bagian dari orang-orang yang senantiasa bersyukur atas limpahan nikmat dan karunia yang telah Engkau berikan kepadaku.

Alhamdulillah al-Mun'im al Mufdhil 
Segala puji hanya bagiMu yang telah melimpahkan kenikmatan dan menganugerahkan keutamaan

Alhamdulillahi alaa kulli haal
Segala puji hanya bagiMu dalam segala keadaan

Alhamdulillahi haadzana li hadza wamaa kunna linah tadhiya law laa an hadzaa nallohu
Segala puji hanya bagiMu yang telah menunjuki kami kepada (jalan) ini. Dan kami sekali-kali tidak akan mendapat petunjuk kalau Engkau tidak memberi kami petunjuk. 

Alhamdulillahi robbil'alamiin.
Fil'aalamiina innaka hamiidun majiid.

How manly I am?

That's true, how manly I am? It is a question that come up in my mind. As I mentioned in previous article that people who never know my gender or meet me personally so often think that I am a man. This usually happen in cyberspace in a discussion groups called mailing lists that I joined where people communicate through written text and they read my writings for the first or several time. And the group members that often mistake me are related with religion and sufism subjects, though my name is a female name. And yesterday, the same thing happened. One of the members, a man, called me by man's title which in Indonesian would be 'pak' or 'bapak' (mister / sir).

What do you think of being a man?

And when he wrote that, my other friend who know me reminded him that I'm not 'masbro' which is an Indonesian slang of male brother but I'm actually 'mbakbro' means female brother. Of course, reading that, the man then apologized for the mistake. And that experience triggered me to write this article.

From his comment, I then wrote a short response on gender by telling them about how often that mistake happened. And lightly I said maybe I should get a mirror to see me if I'm really a man. And what I mean by that is certainly not a common mirror to see my physical body. Because if I take that, I can say 100% certain that I am a woman hehehe....

Being a man

That question then got me to search on the internet what differentiate man and woman in term of their characters, so that those people can make mistake in identifying my gender. I got the information from four different websites to classify the characteristics of men. If you want to read it in detail you can go to:
http://artofmanliness.com/2008/06/08/7-vital-characteristics-of-a-man/

http://www.chadhowsefitness.com/blog/2011/01/20-characteristics-of-a-real-man/

http://www.prolife.com/REALMAN2.html

http://ezinearticles.com/?Characteristics-a-Good-Man&id=1620557

Life is not about gender

And Here’s the wrap up of man's characters, it is what he is on the inside, his substance:

1. Mastery of one’s own physical abilities is an important part of being a man. He doesn’t need to be able to fight or to protect himself and his family physically. But it helps. He needs to be willing to do whatever it takes to keep his family safe and happy 
2. His role as the breadwinner is what drives a man to achieve 
3. The desire for independence and freedom from the command of others is typically a masculine trait 
4. The ability to suppress personal feelings enables men to maintain an objective view of the circumstance and carry on. However a man willing to show emotion and able to control it is a true man. 
5. Education and the acquisition of knowledge are viewed as important factors in male development. So he is committed to growing and improving himself as a person, he wants to learn everything he can about being a better person 
6. A man is a leader in at least one aspect of his life, whether this means his family, with his friends or just in general. Giving direction and acting as a disciplinarian are common functions of men as a result. But he can also follow. 
7. A man takes pride in how he looks and lives his life. He understands the value of work and is financially responsible 
8. He knows his values, knows his likes and dislikes and can verbalize them. Men learn what is truly important over time. 
9. He knows right from wrong and always strives to make virtuous choices. They speak the truth, for the truth distinguishes the man from the gossips and manipulators. 
10. Men make life happen, take a dominant, active role and take chances 
11. A man has fears, but he isn’t ruled by them. There are times when one needs to confront the bully or the cause of his fear, make him see it, and keep his self respect. 
12. Being chivalrous that is you do not see yourself as superior to others, you act justly without demanding justice for yourself. 
13. He has an unshakeable dedication to faith, family and future. 
14. A man is proud, often to a fault. He doesn’t “change” but rather evolves. He learns from his mistakes. Although he might take a few cracks at it. He doesn't blame others for his own problems but embraces responsibility. 
15. A man does what is necessary. Even if it’s the hardest decision, or the most unpopular one. A man can appreciate the greatness that is ‘The Gladiator’. 
16. Being responsible means he does what he says he is going to do. He keeps his promises 
17. He feels good about who he is and how he lives his life, can laugh at himself and takes care of himself. 
18. If a man finds someone special, he doesn’t treat her like she’s everyone else. 
19. Some of the other characteristics commonly attributed to men are ambition, pride, honor, competitiveness and a sense of adventure. They are displayed to varying degrees, in one way or another, in most all men. A man thrives on competition.

Cut Nya' Dien ~
Life had her shone her manly characters 

And as I read through the articles and made my notes, I had to admit that I possess some of the characteristics mentioned above. Whether that's the reason why people mistaken my gender, I don't know for sure.  But my friend responded my rhetoric question by making comparison to Christina Hakim. She's a senior film star in Indonesia taken the role as Cut Nya' Dien (an Indonesian heroine from Aceh) in the movie under the same title. Arifin C Noer as the senior director who directed the movie insisted to call her seniman (male artist) instead of seniwati (female artist). The connotation of it was because she had shown how 'manly' she was in dedicating herself to arts. And Cut Nya' Dien was also a great moslem female warrior who led the people of Aceh against Dutch imperialism after the death of her husband Tengku Umar.

Having such a comment and given comparison, I got a poignant feeling. I thought he must be exaggerating my work while at the same time felt an honor to have my work being appreciated by mistakenly identifying my gender.

Gender Dilemma

And what do I think about this gender issue? It's overdue. Because I'm not a feminist activist. I work for what I know to be most important to either man and woman, that is to support peace movement which is essentially needed by any of us.

Either cooperative or competition,
it is our choice.

So, as a woman if my-having-too-much male characteristics than female characteristics is considered bad and bad-luck, I have no ways to reduce them or even to convert them to be on the opposite characters without giving me more inner turmoil for denying what I have been given. The only way I can do is by accepting them and be grateful to my Creator's gifts.

It is not about which one is better, being male or female. After all there will be no man like Adam or Krishna or Jesus without their mothers (read: women). And there will be no progeny without man.... Oh, I know, my other mind said 'Oh we have cloning method now'. But I won't entertain that juicy thought.

Besides, in the relationship to my Creator one that is most important isn't about gender. As mentioned in the Qur'an "O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted." [QS 49:13] And that in itself is enough to resolve my gender dilemma. Alhamdulillahirobbil'alamiin.

Woman Characters

Oh by the way, I also check on what women think of being a real woman, just to give a balance ideas of my true gender. And from five different websites, they are:
http://www.prolife.com/REALMAN2.html
http://www.asuccessfulwoman.com/aswblog/five-characteristics-successful-women
http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/eagle/congress/shermanck.html
http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/843595/6-top-traits-in-the-perfect-woman
http://www.humanresourcesiq.com/business-strategies/articles/7-characteristics-of-women-leaders/

I summed up their opinions as below:

1. Delights in her femininity. The perfect woman knows how to pull off being sexy perfectly with style and confidence. She dresses with the right mix of sassiness without giving away the goods. 
2. She is trustworthy and gains the respect of others. She places a high value on relationships and judge the success of her organizations based on the quality of relationships within her; 
3. Restrains herself from gossip, but instead speaks with wisdom and discretion. She ask big-picture questions about the work they do and its value. 
4. Encourages and builds up those around her. Without a firm belief in herself, she cannot hope to achieve true success. Women who are self-assured, on the other hand, inspire confidence in others. 
5. She does not have a nagging, or manipulative manner in which she deals with others. That’s why she’s cool and smart and funny. 
6. she does not wallow in self-pity, but rather sacrifices and works hard to accomplish her dreams and goals. She is comfortable with diversity, having been outsiders herself and knowing what kind of value fresh eyes could bring. 
7. Channels her emotions calmly and constructively. She is unwilling (and unable) to compartmentalize her lives and so draw upon personal experience to bring private sphere information and insights to her jobs; 
8. She has a gentle and quiet spirit. Her tenderness, her confiding trust, or any of these finer qualities which are usually termed "womanly;" for the grace which comes from strength is far more graceful than that which comes from languor; the tenderness which comes from efficient sympathy is no less tender because of its efficiency, and the trust which is based on a full recognition of all that love and trust and self-surrender imply is certain to be more permanent than the trust that is based on ignorance 
9. She must have the willpower to pick herself up when she falls flat on her face, and continue with even more resolve. 
10. The perfect woman has a career, her own set of friends and something she's passionate about outside the relationship. So she must garner a strong base of education and experience, and blend them with interpersonal skills to get ahead. 
11. She must not only do well in her position in order to get promoted, she must be willing to market herself as an asset and convince others of her value. Throughout history, the most successful women have been willing to take control of their own lives and do whatever was necessary to reach their goals 
12. She prefers direct communication; she can have a mature conversation about the issue at hand and rationally work through the issue 
13. She is skeptical of hierarchies and surprisingly disdainful of the perks and privileges that distinguish hierarchical leaders and establish their place in the pecking order; 
14. She preferred leading from the center rather than the top and structure their organizations to reflect this; 
15. She does not relate to members of the opposite sex in a flirtatious or forward manner, but instead saves her sexual expressions for her future husband. The perfect woman knows how to unconditionally love her man. Holds her virginity before marriage as sacred and will not compromise it for anything.
16. And it is questionable whether it were possible for a woman to find lasting happiness merely as a passive recipient of loving admiration, however ardent, for so long as a woman has a rational and spiritual nature, so long she fails of highest happiness if these are lost sight of. 

Personality is the way we present ourselves to the world,
the way we express ourselves on the outside

As I read through that, I see myself to have some qualities of a woman. So in me both the quality of man and woman are there. And if you make side by side comparison the quality and characters of man and woman aren't very different. With these similarity and difference gender what we can do is understand our natures and cooperate to achieve our goal that is being the best human being.

And let me finish this article with something to remind me about people regardless of their gender:

Abdullah ibn Busr reported: Two men came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and one of them said, “Who is the best man, O Muhammad?” He said, “One who has a long life filled with good deeds.” The other man said, “Indeed, the laws of Islam are too many for us, so give us something comprehensive we can hold onto.” He said, “Keep your tongue wet with the remembrance of Allah the Exalted.”

Eating Jealousy

Few days ago I had a tagged picture of a book written by my friend's daughter. And it was her first children's story book published. As I read through the synopsis of the book, something bothered me that for days I didn't put comment on her tagged picture. So I checked and checked what's going on inside the mind and feeling that got me reluctant to write the comment.

At first, come up the reason of nationalism. The children's story is about the big cities of the world like New York, Tokyo, Paris and some others. Of course it's alright. But then my evil thought said, "why not writing about Indonesia's cities with its unique culture and people? Is it because it's too Indonesia?! Or you just have interest of your own nation?!" And again my angelic thought respond, "Oh for God sake! It's just a children story. It's a child making up her dream! What's so hard in saying congratulation?!".

Then second thought come up the parental love. The evil thought said "Oh, she's bragging like any proud mothers for her daughter!" And the angelic thought said "Of course she is. Isn't every mom do the same to their children to show their support to whatever they're doing. Won't you also do the same if you have one?!"

And then I realized that I've been jealous at her and her daughter for their close relationship as family, while I don't have a living mother or daughter that can give me such experience. So it's an odd feeling in having that kind of expression right in front of you. And in that jealousy I have forgotten that I've been given a living (host) mother who though we live in different country she always loves me, proud of me and of my work as written on my facebook wall. And I've been jealous at them for having their book published while I have none because I just don't know how do it for the personal notes I made. I'm too shy to let people know my bragging. And I find it difficult to pretend to be someone else in the form of story telling because I hardly try to be someone I'm not. Yet, so often people - both males and females when they first read my writings in mailing list groups before knowing my gender, thought that I was a man. Anyway, you know another voice said "Hah! You're just making excuses for your laziness and self-pity for not trying hard enough!" :D

These two reasons are enough to wake me up that I (again) feel jealousy, which I then realized that I had to do something about it. If I don't want to be eaten away by jealousy then I have to eat it raw. Do you know the taste? It's bitter :D

Sometimes we just have to take bitter medicine
to cure our disease 

But you know, some diseases have their antidote from certain herbal that tastes so bitter such as quina for malaria. Realizing that, I then tried to swallow it slowly and enjoy the taste to put my mind into perspective and heading to the right direction; that is to avoid its return and find ways to prevent its return.

And I always have a choice to make the bitter taste go away very quickly. That is by taking along with it something sweet. And that's what I did, you know like we give baby the powdery medicine which is bitter with honey or sugar :) My mind then working its way to find something sweet that is stored within. And it came up with a simple yet profound sweetness I always taste in my remembrance. That is my knowledge of the Giver of all. And in it, I find the sweetness that surpasses the bitter taste and can even turn the bitter taste to become a medicine, an antibody that will help me to stay healthy inside.

And this, reminded me of past experience about another jealousy that I had to eat. That was when I knew that the man I liked secretly was taking my friend out and they ended up getting married. Because she is my friend and I'm not an aggressive one to fight over a man, I managed my feeling. And as I met her last time after so many years never saw each other, I could talk, laugh and joke with her easily without any hard feeling. I had put the memory behind. It was only when she asked me about another friend whom she just couldn't understand why she turned from befriended her to hated her, I remembered it. Of course I couldn't tell her that she hated her because she was trying to be a match maker for me. She couldn't accept the situation well. So, the bitter taste in the past had been an antibody to my personal inner health.

And this (again) remind me of another comment given by my friend about me "Healthy inside. Fresh outside". It's a catchy word from TV ads on drinks contained vitamin C. Of course, the inside of the two are different. Because my friend commented on mentality and way of thinking while the other was about physical health. The outside is the same, it's related with body. The only different, my freshness isn't coming from exercise or make up. I'm just not a sporty girl. My freshness come from something else. And it is one that I can't point my finger at :P

Anyway, since eating jealousy had been done. It's my next action to write the comment with light hearted to congratulate my friend - the mother and daughter for what they have successfully made. And it's done. And I am happy of myself for conquering my demon to even making this analysis and put it to words :D

I pray that my remembrance of the Giver of this fundamental gift - the gift of life - that enable me to experience, to feel, to think and to write is sufficient.

"Our Lord, forgive us and our brothers who preceded us in faith 

and put not in our hearts [any] resentment toward those who have believed. 

Our Lord, indeed You are Kind and Merciful." 

[QS 59:10]

Alhamdulillahirobbil'alamiin

Fighting for what?

There are two recent agendas in Moslems world that I'd like to highlight here. Here they are.

Restless Mind

What remains indestructible is the heart full of faith

Can you relate yourself to someone who has to give up their land and its sustenance by force to someone else? And that someone else keep stripping them away to the point that they don't have their own freedom to even sleep peacefully in their own home? What do you think of that? I think that is the sense of imperialism. It is the state where human being is continuously dehumanizing other human being. And for what? For their restless mind that is driven by greed and fear of losing what they have gained in deception so far. And that is the state of what Israel is doing to Palestinian. It is the motive behind most of their imperialism action in the Middle East.

I'd watched an Indonesian documentary film on military action called guerrilla. It was by the grace of Allah the Almighty had been successfully executed in Indonesia in keeping its independence but wasn't working well in the Middle East especially around the conflicted region of Lebanon, Syria and Palestinian. And the reason was because of the socio-culture difference. In Indonesia, most (to say that there were also few traitors) citizens were against Dutch colonialism. So when they wanted to set their imperialism back, both army and civil worked together to fight them using guerrilla method. But Palestine is different. Their feudalism that rooted way back to the history can tell, had made the fighting seemed to fail. The rich and the poor live their different lifestyle, the society divided into factions that each try to be gain power over the other, some people fight for what they believe while others don't really care about it and even watched their brothers in fighting for what they believe to be their rights. And then of course, it's always the poor and the weak like children, women and the elders who can't migrate to other safer place become the victims. And I don't even talk about international / political or business (guns and ammunition trading) interference in the fights.

So it seems to me, of all the living hell on the face of this earth, that part of the world where there is a city called Jerusalem or Darussalam or the Land of Peace has been created to be in restless. Does it mean there is no goodness there?! Of course there is. There is goodness everywhere even in the middle of war. I remembered about a comment given to the quote of Confusius 'There is goodness in everything, if only we open our eyes'. And one of the comments said 'It isn't true. I don't see goodness in the tragedy that happened around me. My relative was in sorrow, my friends are in pain, bla... bla... bla...' Again the condition is 'if only we open our eyes'. Aren't the trees keep growing in the middle of the war? Isn't the air still breathable for them? Isn't the sky is still high above with the beautiful sun, moon and stars they can gaze upon? Doesn't the earth mother keep giving them the sustenance even in the middle of the war? And people still can feel hungry and thirsty to drive them to drink and eat and move around though in space which is restricted by others? And people can find laughter to be their simplest healing to their complicated mind? So yes, in the middle of so called hell there is still goodness pouring down upon them. The only difference is, are they recognizing it? Are they accepting it? Are they grateful enough in accepting it?!

"... to the farther mosque
the neighborhood whereof We have blessed..."
(QS 17:1)

And let us make comparison to the opposite situation to Saudi Arabia where Mecca is located. Just because the region have the city of Mecca as the direction of Muslim's prayer, does it mean there are no sins or offense there? Of course there are. Want to name them? Well, I saw on news many of Indonesian workers were treated very badly by their employers even some of them sexually harassed. .. Oh, and don't practice or think or speak up of sufism in your relationship to God, because most of their so called Moslems scholars will stand against you and accuse you to be infidels for making bid'ah.

So, both cities of Masjidil Aqsa and Masjidil Haram and their surroundings in my opinion have been the symbol of yin and yang on this world - representing any other peaceful and conflicted area around the world. Masjidil Aqsa with its surrounded problems is the yin symbol of black half circle with the white little dot in it. And Masjidil Haram is the yang symbol of white half circle with the black dot in it.

The people who live in these two cities then certainly have different characters though they may come from the same race: arabic; and in general: human race. The different that I'm talking about is in the way they perceive peace in their life. I'm not about being sarcastic here, but I think this is the reality. To Palestinian people, war has become their daily menu. As human being, we are given the ability to adapt to places and situation. It's like those who have used to live by the side of rail roads with its loud noise, can sleep soundly. But those who have used to live in tranquility and peacefule environment will have problem sleeping there. So God is indeed Merciful.

Now, without consciousness of their true reality, there's always a possibility that when the war is over and peace reign, people will try to create another or different kind of war. I mean look at the situation in Afghanistan. For so many years, the people there had been fighting against Uni Soviet that when they gained their freedom, as up to now the outside war that raged in the past still affected their inner self that they now fight against each other instead of building their nation in peace and harmony. I'm afraid if the leaders of Palestinian - as well as other conflicted countries - do not find their core values as a nation to unite their people, they will fight forever or to put it mildly as long as they live (as human).

I mean I can understand on the reluctant and doubt of Palestinians to be under Israel authority. Because if the state they showed in the past and up to now is shrewd, vindictive and cruel against them, wouldn't they treat Palestinian just like the way they had been treated by Nazi in the past? They may not use gas chamber or killing field, but they can have their sophisticated way in the name of protecting their people so that the international people will not think them to do another kind of genocide. Yesterday I saw the TV news the weapon comparison between Israel and Palestinian. It is very obvious which one is having advantage in term of weapon and which one isn't. But what the TV analysis didn't capture is the natural cause, the heaven interference that will keep the conflict to go on for many more years to come.

I am certainly against Israeli imperialism for it is against humanity. And I pray that Allah keeps protecting the weak and punished the abusive ones in His Most Known and Wisest way. Look at it this way: in our ability as human being to adapt, to forget, to sleep, to smile, to laugh, to be grateful, to be in peace, to be the faithful one, the weak have been protected from greater suffering that is to be in pain and sorrow forever. And in their fear of losing what they gained, HE has placed HIS punishment to those who have abused their power in the form of restless mind, heart and soul. For what they fear is their own shadow. And no one has any strength and power to change that state without the permission called guidance of their Creator. Because it means transforming their dehumanization action into humanity action. And I read and know that some of Self Knowledge students are from Tel Aviv. I'm glad for that. Because hopefully with that knowledge, they will find their inner peace then try to respect humanity more in their every day life, create a better place for people around them. Isn't it the true purpose of being in the neighborhood? That is to live in harmony with each other.

Self Evident

A few months ago the world was shaken by the Moslems demonstration against film "The Innocence of Moslem" that had been made to discredit the great prophet Muhammad SAW. You may notice that I didn't make any comment or notes on that case. And you may question how so? If I am a follower of great prophet Muhammad SAW, why I didn't speak up my refusal on it?

Prophet Muhammad SAW didn't have to defend himself.
Everything in him was self evident
including the love of Muslims to him SAW

Here is the reason: because it isn't necessary to do so. Let those Moslems who want to speak their mind in the form of demonstration speak their mind. They may not understand that doing what they're doing doesn't change the fact. It may even exhaust their energy and divert them from the true essence of his teaching. Because as the news reported some of the demonstrations had turn into chaos and people getting hurt and public facility had been ruined. What a paradox to the message he SAW delivered.


Two or three weeks before the case surfaced, my great spiritual master had made remark about it and told us what we should do based on the Quranic verse. He quoted the verse 7:184 that said "Then do they not give thought? There is in their companion [Muhammad] no madness. He is not but a clear warner." So even in the beginning of his work as he had received the great task in prophethood, he had been told that there would be people that would claim him to be mad. And as other verses stated the previous prophets before him were also claimed to be mad (see Qur'an verse 51:52) So it won't be a surprise that there will always be men who would made such false claim upon him either on his teaching or his life story, from Abu Jahl to Salman Rushdie to Nakoula to I don't know who's next.
And yet what is the Quran - the words of his Creator ever said about the matter? It said "Do they not give thought"

You see, Being the truth or being true are self evident not about what people think of. And so often people overlook this. That the faculty to accept something or someone's being true is the heart. The mind can only acknowledge what the heart bear witness to it. The human's problem is only whether their mind will conquer and agree with their heart or not. It's like God, The Ever Truth. Whether men acknowledge HIS existence or not, HE is ever Existed. Whether men worship HIM or not, HE is the Most Exalted. Whether men gives thanks to HIS benevolence or not, HE is the most Benevolence. Whether men is following HIS commands or not, HE is the Most Supreme. For HIS Omnipresent surpasses all human mind and action.

It's the same thing to the great prophet Muhammad SAW. Whether men stated him to be in madness or not, the history of mankind has stated that he SAW had made such great difference and made him to be the great man ever. Whether men stated him to be immoral or not, the history of mankind has stated that he SAW was the most prudent man yet most widely talked about and followed in his action and sayings. Whether men stated his teaching to be false or not, the history of mankind has showed proof that it has been the one that is mostly followed by mankind. So if he were mad and immoral and false in his teaching, wouldn't it be to say that most human being are just as mad and immoral and false as him?! THINK ABOUT IT!

And if you have used your mind and open your heart, then you know what is true. And that is enough self evident to the truth of HIS LORD and HIS Messenger.

Scandal on Perspective

As I read through the news on the scandalous affair that shake the former CIA director Gen. David Petraeus, I can't help thinking of about the word scandal and how both the actor and people react to it. And I tried to retrospect on my action in the past; how I and people would react to what I did if ever it was publicized.

Definition

In free dictionary.com, scandal is defined as a publicized incident that brings about disgrace or offends the moral sensibility of society. Another definition given is damage to reputation or character caused by public disclosure or immoral or grossly improper behavior; disgrace. And another definition is talk that is damaging to one's character, malicious gossip.

Based on the definition, we can then look into reality how scandal can happen. How the person involved were either realized or not in their action so that it could fall into a scandal. So often scandal appear caused either by power, wealth and (sexual) relationship.

In reality, there was a situation in which innocence people were placed into a scandal because people talked about their action without given correct information, like what happened to Aisyah bint Abu Bakr RA as is narrated in the Quran (see Qur'an 24: 11 - 20). And then there was also the culprit because what they did secretly in the past was publicized thus created response from society. And then there was also a situation in which the society have different opinion thus its standard in some cases because the actors are public figure or the case happened in different places. So it's really relative. Here I'm not going to talk about scandals that so often are on the news. it's about scandal from different point of view.

Conquering the Demon

Here, I won't judge what other people was doing that later turn into scandal. So I will use my experience to analyze the matter. And hopefully as I am human being and they're human being, the common ground can help me to understand their action.

In the past as I learned sufism, I had three or five experience that to some people can be considered scandalous because I tried to do them in discreet out of respect to others to settle personal matter. And people and the one I was involved with may think the worst of me after what I did. But of course, to me personally it didn't matter what their opinion was. Again as I previously had quoted in the article under title "Reality Check" about the demon, I knew my actions could be considered scandalous to others, but I also knew that the very reason why I had to do them because I needed to amputate some intangible feeling from me. It's to detach my feeling towards the persons without damaging others. I also knew the possible result of the action was that they would feel ill of me for doing them. So it was a conscious act in acting scandalously. And to other actions that I did and people may think of them as foolish, it is to tell them and myself I'm no better than any of them.

In the sufism term there is a group of sufi who did such a 'scandalous' action in order to reduce the power of their demons. They're often called as 'Malamatiyya'. Wiki give definition to this group that 'The Malāmatiyya (ملاميه) or Malamatis are a Sufi (Muslim mystic) group that was active in 8th-century Samanid Khorasan in Iran (Encyclopædia Britannica). Believing in the value of self-blame, that piety should be a private matter, and that being held in good esteem would lead to worldly attachment, they concealed their knowledge and made sure their faults would be known, reminding them of their imperfection.

The Arabic word malāma (ملامه) means "to blame". According to Annemarie Schimmel, "the Malāmatīs deliberately tried to draw the contempt of the world upon themselves by committing unseemly, even unlawful, actions, but they preserved perfect purity of thought and loved God without second thought" (Schimmel 86). Schimmel goes on to relate a story illustrative of such actions: "One of them was hailed by a large crowd when he entered a town; they tried to accompany the great saint; but on the road he publicly started urinating in an unlawful way so that all of them left him and no longer believed in his high spiritual rank" (quoted in Schimmel 86).

The Malamati is one for whom the doctrine of "spiritual states" is fraught with subtle deceptions of the most despicable kind; he despises personal piety, not because he is focused on the perceptions or reactions of people, but as a consistent involuntary witness of his own "pious hypocrisy". God in turn wishes to keep him preserved and sheltered in divine occultation. Therein lies the Sufi mystery of Divine Jealousy and Reproach, helping to keep the majestic substance of the Malamati soul hidden from jealous eyes of fallen and decadent men. The nature of this sheltering may be occasioned by a "public fall from grace" or a scandal that involves public opprobrium. Farid, in one of his Odes quoted by R.A. Nicholson in his Studies in Islamic Mysticism, describes the Malamatiyya thus: "My fellows in the religion of love are those who love; and they have approved my ignominy and thought well of my disgrace".

So understanding that I need to conquer my demons, I checked my sincere intention before executing the action. †ђąηk ўσυ God. The result saved me and others. Though it meant that I lost them but wasn't it the very reason of my actions? To detach my feelings from them. It's like being the doctor to your own sick body. When you amputate a part of your body, you have to have firm and brave heart to be able to do it.

Scandals vs Truth

So scandals often arise from people's opinion on someone's action. And sometimes the opinion was based on truth and sometimes it was based on rumors (false news). And whether it becomes the downfall of them, it depends on the way they see the situation. Some scandals do not affect the people involved because they don't let the scandal affect them and to others affect greatly because they let the scandal affect them.

There are many news on people who were deeply affected by their scandals including Gen. David Petraeus. To some others, the scandals sometimes was followed by suicide because they were too ashamed to face the result of their action. And then there were people who didn't let the scandals that was based on people's talk affected them because they know they true state of their being. Prophet Muhammad SAW was considered to be controversial man to the people of Mecca at that time. Most of his action were against the moral code of the society at that time and even today. From marrying Zainab bint Jahsy, the widow of his so called 'adopted son' Zaid (see Qur'an 33:37) to his refusal to worship the idols. Yet, his true and sincere humanity was the one that won him against all the negative term given to him by his opponents.

Scandal found to be meaningless in front of the Truth. Because what society believe and hold true very often are not and in some cases society make their double standard in judging people actions. So scandalous or not scandalous, people who may involve in scandalous action need to be aware of its consequence at least take good measurement before taking their action. And to open someone's fault just because we think we're better than them (for not doing his/her scandalous action) were really a hypocrisy and arrogance in itself.

Am I pro or against scandal? I'm neither. I would say that I will live by moment. If the moment needs me to act scandalously for the sake of my sincerity, I will do it. Otherwise I will act the way I am in interacting with others. Of course there is always possibility that what I consider innocent act, other people will see it differently and can turn it into rumors. I certainly have no control over what people will think and do in relation to my action. But there is wisdom in Tao Te Ching stated:

23. Words
Nature says only a few words:
High wind does not last long.
Nor does heavy rain.
If nature's words do not last
Why should those of man?

Who accept harmony, become harmonious
Who accept loss, become lost.
For who accept harmony, the Way harmonizes with him,
And who accepts loss, the Way cannot find.

And there's another great wisdom and advice taught by prophet Muhammad SAW in relation to our past action. It's called sayyidul istighfar, the master of repentance that said

"Astaghfirullah hal adziim, min qulli dzanbin adziim. 

Adznab tuhu amdan 'au khata an. 

Sirr ran 'au 'alaa niyatan shaaghiiran au kabiiran. 

Innaka anta ghaffaarudz dzunuubi, fattahul quluubi, sattaarul 'uyuubi, 

kasysyaaful quruubi, wa'atuubu ilaihi. 

Minadz dzanbil ladzii a'lamu bihi wa minadz dzanbil ladzii laa 'alamu. 

Innaka anta 'allamul ghuyuub." 

I seek the forgiveness of Allah the Great, from all acts of disobedience, 

the sins that I have committed intentionally or unintentionally, 

openly or in secret, small or great sin. 

Indeed, You are the Forgiver of sins, the Opener of the heart (to repent),

the Cover of errors, the Remover of sorrows and I repent 

from all the sins that I know or all the sins that I don't know. 

For You are most Known of the hiddens.

And Allah is my Lord.

Reality Check

Another blessing for me; as I came to Bali, I met new friends from the same teacher who teach us Self Knowledge. Since it's not a formal institution, I called them new friends because we just knew and then met a week after I arrived in Bali. That was after I received their email with a phone number given. They're a couple from Australia who decide to stay permanently in Bali and would like to get in touch with me to support the Balinese team to introduce the message to local people and how I could assist them since I'm the main translator.

Right away I called them to introduce myself and told them that I was in Bali. What a coincidence! Well, I say it's not a coincidence. Everything fell into places nicely. From the first time we met at the shop I worked, we then made appointment to work on the project. We also met the local volunteers who did the translation and I gave them some guideline how to do the voice over. Because the translated materials they have to be broadcasted on their radio are limited, I supplied them with some of mine and last night managed to make one in my friend's home office using iMovie software. Every time I work with Self Knowledge - especially in translating the material, there is always an insight and a new vista open up for me.

Interaction with People

The other night I tried to cool down one of the staff who got irritated by her friend's comment. And that got me talking with her and her friend about the way we interact with people. She started to open up, after I let them come to my appointment and introduced them on the subject that I worked on with my friend.

The way we respond is
a reflection of our inner self

Very often misunderstanding between (at least) two persons happened because both don't understand the other person's characters, mood and circumstance. And they think the worst about the other which then lead to unpleasant response and even hatred.

But when we have conquered our demons and understand our selves, and in that understanding also trying to understand other people, something else happening. Acceptance to the whole situation and the other person creates a feeling of understanding. And that feeling of understanding bring peace to our heart and mind, because there is no why or how-could-be questions to the whole situation. This is what people then labeled as patience.

There is a wisdom from Tao Te Ching about interaction with other people.

60. Demons
When you use the Way to conquer the world,
Your demons will lose their power to harm.
It is not that they lose their power as such,
But that they will not harm others;
Because they will not harm others,
You will not harm others;
When neither you nor your demons can do harm,
You will be at peace with them.

The demons is inherent in us as a human, as a creation being in which we have our yin and yang as our creation elements. And the demons can be seen very clearly especially when we are interacting with those who possess the opposite characters to ours. When we practice the Way, we are aware of these nature. And practicing the Way also means that we see goodness in everything and everyone. Knowing this and not just believing it can help us to manage our demons to not harm others. And this is what brings peace to our being.

Ritual vs Humanity

Last weekend I had to make choices in my interaction with people here. One, I had to make choice between making a visit of condolence to the staff here whose mother passed away or keeping my appointment with my friend to meet the Balinese team that I never met before. Both were due in the morning. The corpse would be taken to Java for burial that morning so he would go to Jawa with his family as well. And my decision was I sent a representative of all the staff while giving her the message that in the evening we - all his friends would send prayer for his deceased mother. And I went to meet the Balinese team with my friend, the staff didn't have to close the shop that could raise question from head office.

In living with dog, do we know that within us
lies dog-character that needs to be conquered as well?

The other decision I made was allowing myself to be kissed and nosed by my friend's dog because the dog was so lovable and so wanted to know and play with me. I mean, the dog followed her owner, which is my Australian friend and since I'm close to her owner, she wants to know me as well. So while we're working in her office, she wanted to stay with us.

My friend thought that I was afraid of the dog because I was afraid she would bite me. It's not so. I know that when the dog with their owner, they won't attack me. Or at least their owner won't let them attack me hehehe... The only concern I have is that I had been accustomed to the idea of severe impurity in islamic regulation. And to purify it, I have to use dirt once and water 6times. My friend certainly don't know about this prescription. And I am as I am - trying to be the follower of prophet Muhammad SAW as best as I can be. But on the other hand, I have this living experience and I respect them as friends, as human being. So what did I do? I let the dog nosed me and let my friend know that I was alright with the dog, I even petted her head to let her know I like her too for a being good dog. I mean this whole thing about having the dog reminded me when I had to live with my Australian host family who had doberman as their pet.

Of course by the time I got home, I knew I had to change my clothes, purify them and any part of my body that had been nosed using dirt as prescribed. And I did it not out of disgusted. It's just a matter of following the prescription of prophet Muhammad SAW, about following what my heart and mind telling me to do. Because for me to do so was like being reminded to the dog character in me and how to manage it. The one time dirt and six times water carried a profound wisdom, the symbol of how to cure the demon - the dog character within me. For our body is made up of water and dirt. In fact that evening as we watched the video our teacher reminded us about human being content 70% of water.

Human Sacrafice Ritual -
Ritual is the end of compassion and honesty
the beginning of confusion

My principle value when religious ritual oppose to humanity as living experience, I choose humanity and postpone or compensate the ritual without trying to create a new one. The reason is because (particularly my religion understanding - Islamic) any religious rituals is designed to bring us closer to our Creator, and to me it is my personal communion with my Creator in my personal time - though some of them sometimes is done in groups as community. And humanity to me is the reflection of the our Creator's actions in the universe for we are the witness of His existence. And being in harmony with my friends or anyone in their own uniqueness is important. Like I can tell them my value or understanding on things, and if they can or can't agree to it, it doesn't matter. They will always be as they are to me and I respect their choice. Those who don't understand me, may think that I will get offended with their choice and act differently. But those who know me will find that I will be alright with whatever their choices are. And again there's a wisdom from Tao Te Ching about rituals that we should understand in living this life.

38. Ritual
Well established hierarchies are not easily uprooted;
Closely held beliefs are not easily released;
So rituals enthralls generation after generation.

Harmony does not care for harmony, and so is naturally attained;
But rituals is intent upon harmony, and so can not attain it.
Harmony neither acts nor reasons;
Love acts, but without reasons;
Justice acts to serve reason;
But rituals acts to enforce reason.

When the Ways is lost, there remain harmony;
When harmony is lost, there remains love;
When love is lost, there remains justice;
And when justice is lost, there remains ritual.

Rituals is the end of compassion and honesty,
The beginning of confusion;
Belief is a colorful hope or fear,
The beginning of folly.

The sage goes by harmony, not by hope;
He dwells in the fruit, not the flower;
He accepts substance, and ignore abstraction.

So in living the religious prescription, I don't want to just imitate it. I must find my own foundation in doing it as my understanding and knowledge. By having that foundation, I know what I'm doing not just believe in what other people said about such and such. To my living experience now, the religious prescription is no longer a ritual. It has become part of my living experience; the fruits of doing it has been the living experience itself.

Peace Reigns Supreme

Sleeping peacefully -
What is our understanding of
peace?

My peace isn't because I'm in any place that is beautiful, serene or tranquil. In fact, though I've been three weeks in Bali, I have never been to any places that have become tourist destinations here. My three weeks had been spent in places where I met my family, friends (at home), team members (at school) and customers (the shop I work). As up to now my heart and mind haven't told me to go there, so I don't think or feel it is necessary to go.

I know well, my peace doesn't depend on particular places or other people's acceptance. It truly depends on my heart. When I follow what my heart tells me to do, regardless the end result or the response of others, I'm fulfilled. It's like the night after my day and evening with my friends and the dog. I was too tired to pray so I fell asleep while laying down in bed. But around midnight, my body became restless and it woke me up. And as I was conscious, my mind reminded me that I haven't done my prayer, of my communion with my Creator. That's when I then got up and did my prayer to fulfill the call of the heart. It's all personal and not because of the existence of hell or heaven. It's about being in peace, in fulfilling my mind, body and soul request in living this life consciously.

What dove got to do with peace?

So yes, in all my interaction with people, event and things my reality check is based on my heart and mind. Whether they're in peace or not. If they aren't I know, I have to amend it. Otherwise the feeling of restless will bug me for days. And I also know, if I let one restless feeling happen and then another and another, my heart will be hardened and I will lose sight of my true values. The parable of this amendment is as simple as washing hands before taking meal. Why we keep washing hands every time we're going to take meal though we see our hands are clean?! It's because we want to be certain that no micro-particle will go into our stomach and affect our digestive system.

And being in peace is essential to me. And so far it reigns supreme in my heart. May it stay forever regardless the changes that's going on in the outside world.

Oh, by the way... all the writings here I think come from the joy of my left brain in understanding what the right brain is doing and thinking  :D

An unseen world

I have an urge to write about this topic. In the past I didn't want to write it down because I thought it was very unscientific and intangible. And I have never been so involved with it so I didn't feel like writing it though I'm aware of its existence.

But this time, a bit different. And I need to tell you the background story why I let myself go to Bali even physically unfitted to make journey.

The other reason

When I just started working after arrived from traveling in Middle of Kalimantan, I had a small talk with the director of the factory I'm working. He told me about the situation in Bali showroom. I knew a little about the girl - the showroom staff that was possessed by a spirit and the situation there. But he told me more. Because after once being possessed, there were several other similar condition with some information of the unseen world were transmitted by the girl. His conclusion was that the girl is a psychic and that the showroom was under attack using a black magic by someone likely a business competitor.

Talisman isn't about superstition,
it's about understanding
heaven, earth and humanity

Psychologically the situation in the showroom were unpleasant. The staff were stressed and easily quarrel, which affected the way they're serving the customers and each had become ill in sequence. When the senior staff that was sent to Bali had become psychologically affected, he requested to return to the head office after the other man who came with him escorted the indigo girl to return to the head office to have spiritual treatment. Looking into the situation, they then asked me if I would go to Bali to replace them and at the same time improve the situation.

Knowing the whole situation, I knew I had to go though previously I had refused my other boss (from social work) to have a meeting in another town that had me to make another journey just after I arrived from traveling. So here I'm now in Bali with another reason that get me working with my right brain beside the tangible work of my left brain. And I can't help myself but smiling. Because previously when I was in Kalimantan, my spiritual teacher had made a remark that the organizational committee should also be able to help people when they're possessed by spirit (actually it is from genie) and I responded cheerfully that I would just leave that to men whilst I focused on the leadership and organizational system that is more (again) likable to my left brain. It seems that now is an opportunity presented to me to utilize more of my right brain to help people.

And how do I feel? In one side I feel uncertain what to do but in the other side I feel I'll be alright knowing that I will be guided. Or instead of feel I better use the word think to tell that it's my left brain that is uncertain on how to do it not my heart.

And there was one staff - a man who previously had almost been possessed, he'd shown some illness and told being attacked in his sleep. I knew I had to do something for him because one who had been possessed there's a chance to be possessed again if they didn't know how to close 'the door' into their inner body.

So the other night when the staff and I recited prayer together as we did the same in the showroom several nights before, I prepared water for him to drink to draw away the unseen spirit that still trying to hold on to him and made talisman for him from quranic verses. Does it work? Insha Allah, for I don't relate to myself for the talisman to work. I rest it to the greatness of The Truth.

An unseen world

How do we conquer them in real life?

The existence of the unseen world has been informed in the Quran in the surah named The Genie. So I know that in this world we share the space on this planet earth not only with the tangible kind of being like plants and animals but also with the intangible kind of being called genie.

My encounter with them is mostly done through 'sleeping' state. Like the room I occupy, I know they occupy it as well long before I'm there. That's what people there told me about 'the ghost' in the room. First time, they introduced themselves to me when I was in the state between sleeping and awake. I felt that some children were playing on top of my bed. How did I feel at that time? Well, I told them - by heart of course that 'Ok, now I know you. Be nice and let's just live in peace.'. Since then I didn't get the jumping over my bed anymore hehehe... And the other time, the bigger and stronger one tried to overtake me in my sleeping. Inwardly I invoked the prayer while trying to fight back, I could free the grip over me. And I have no problem from them anymore. Though my friend when he visited the house and stayed in my room whilst I was away told me that he was being 'attacked' as well in his sleep. But knowing him, I know he could free himself.

Based on the information I get and my own experience, the world of genie - common people say as the world of the spirits does exist. And just as we live our life with so many activities and characters of mankind, the world of genie has similar characteristics. If we have good people and bad people, they also have good genies and bad genies.

To us they introduce themselves in different appearances; in the form of animals, like scorpion or snakes, in the form of wind, sound or fire. They're the one that most people see as ghost or some other called as spirits. And since they're unseen, the way people communicate with them either using medium that is human body when they're being possessed. And to the one who have the ability to see them as we called an indigo person, they can talk directly with them. This talking directly can also be learned through spiritual refinement called inner work. I mean I know my teacher can do that after he'd been taught how to do it. This talking with the unseen world remind me of a suspense movie under the title The Sixth Sense.

Between the real and unreal

Some mental disorder as in psychological term in my opinion can happen because of seeing the unseen world when their mentality or spiritual foundation isn't strong enough so that they don't have the ability to overcome it and become excessively in fear on something that we think as unreal but to them is very real.

What is our reality?

This then lead us to the question of what is real and what is unreal.

Here is where the term reality can shift from one definition to another definition depend on the reference that we use to define it. Because from my perspective as I've experienced it, I can define two different situation based on the level of spiritual awareness of the person itself. As I previously mention about three different vehicles to explain about spiritual awareness, to differentiate the real from the unreal is quite different to each level.

Those whose awareness is in the lower level, the reality to them is whatever that they can see and touch and hear and comprehend with their senses. For them dream is just a dream not a reality. The ghost is unreal just like any horror movies though many of them afraid of being alone or stay alone in so called haunted house.

And the next one is one that is aware of the unseen world of genie. To them both worlds that can be seen by these eyes as well as the other 'eyes' are real. Because both are real, they can work with the two worlds.

How about the unseen world of the angels and devils? I'm not about to tell my opinion here. It's too personal that it is better for me to keep it to myself.

To the higher state of consciousness the two worlds are unreal. Because to the higher level the only reality is the Truth. Yet, to be able to overcome them they need to have more understanding about the Truth as the ultimate reality. Because those who involve more to the reality of the unseen world, sooner or later will be enslaved by whatever enticement they get from the unseen world. It's like getting lost in the unseen world. Their body may be in this world but their mind is in somewhere else.

The truth is the Truth

The understanding about the Truth as the ultimate reality will help them to stay in sanity. Because in front of the Truth both of this tangible and intangible world aren't real. And the seeker of the Truth should never be diverted by either the tangible and intangible in their journey towards the Truth.

And for me personally as the Truth seeker in facing the all the trouble or attack from the unseen world, I want to take the example given by the great prophet Muhammad SAW when he was sick from the spell of Jews magician Labid ibn A'shom till he was given the revelation on how to break the spell through the archangel Gabriel. Or I can follow the example given by prophet Ibrahim AS when he was on fire and the archangel Gabriel asked him AS what he could do to help him. And he responded, 'No, I'm alright. Let the wills of Allah happen upon me.' Both showed their trust to the Truth regardless the situation they faced. I choose this attitude because even up to now, I still can't figure out how to deal with the unseen. And to the unknown I rest my protection and safety to the greatness of Allah, the Ever Living Truth.

(My) Brain Works

As I got my left brain fixed, I can't help myself to wonder what kind of functionality that the left brain have. This is to ensure that my conclusion on my physical body before is correct without having to go to the doctor and hear what the doctor have to say about my sickness. Because honestly up to now I haven't gone and see the doctor. My friend thought I should go and see the doctor, but since she knew me, she didn't insist and I know her concern is the way she said she cared for me and I thanked her for that. Not that I'm afraid to see the doctor, I try to avoid them just like I try to avoid any generic drugs unless it is very necessary. And the last time I went to doctor was to have dental check up.

Brain Traits

Anyway, back to the brain... Here's what I got from the internet about left and right brain:
Left Brain Traits http://suite101.com/article/left-brain-characteristics-a2604

Left brains are seen as "smarter" and tend to be

analytical,
logical,
sequential.
They do things in the "proper" order and feel there is a proper order.
They tend to do well in
reading,
writing,
speech and
math.
These subject areas have "sequential rules" and they respond to this. Lefts also naturally evaluate what's wrong and why it won't work. They are sensitive to flaws of self and others almost to the point of not being able to accept a person because of their flaws. They tend to not see the whole person but the flaw(s). The world is linear to them. The left-brained person doesn't see the end result and needs to go through the steps, one-by-one and sees the big picture when all the little steps are completed.

Word Association
On a spelling test, the left hears the word "dog." They quickly write d-o-g and wait for the next word. Usually, without doodling or looking around the room. Focusing is usually not a problem.

And the characteristic of right brain is as the link given: 
http://suite101.com/article/right-brain-characteristics-a2607

Right brains are honored in eastern cultures more than western. They are seen as less smart because of the manner in which they process information. Rights don't go from Point A to Point B. Right brains don't like to listen to directions and don't like to read them. They scan quickly and figure out what to do without reading details. Reading directions carefully is a detailed activity for the left-brain.

How Rights Learn
Rights think and learn in visual, kinesthetic and audio images. They don't memorize well and need to visualize a picture so they can recall the facts. Abstract math is often not brain compatible. Their thoughts are frequently in code and they may have bizarre images in night dreams leaving them confused as to what they mean.

When right brains talk to you, they look at you while listening and look away to the left when answering a question. This is a brain shift from one side to another. This is not a sign of fabrication. They are listening with one side and now switch over for the response. They are not creating an answer in an attempt to deceive.

Word Association
On a spelling test, a right brain hears the word "dog." Their mind wanders to the thought of the neighbor's dog which barked most of the night, that reminds them of the fact that the neighbors are in the Bahamas, which takes them to an island with palm trees and sandy beaches, which reminds them that they need a bathing suit for this weekend, which reminds them that they will need to take spending money... Teacher says, "Word #7 is house." Student raises hand and asks what word #6 was. They've checked out for a while.

Rights Are Misunderstood
Right brains don't explain what they feel well and are misunderstood. They think of one thing, say another because their brain has already moved on to another thought. Unfortunately, their mouth is still moving. Rights often don't realize they have done so. The result is that they don't realize what they said and may even deny saying it or argue they said something else. Because they know what they "intended" to say, they are confused when individuals state otherwise.

See The Big Picture
Right brains don't like to jump through the hoops to get something done. They also don't like to follow rules which don't make sense to them. They see the big picture quickly and what you are asking them to do in steps doesn't seem necessary because they are at the end of the process already.
Right brains are non-judgmental and often have no opinion on many topics. They can see both sides and are often seen as wishy washy or lacking values. They see the whole person and are less likely to condemn a person because of a flaw. They often have an interesting group of friends.

My brain history

A Beautiful Mind movie

In the past I was a left brain person. Nothing that I saw or wanted to accept that wouldn't go through my left brain analysis. I remember calculus class students were only 7 students including myself and I did well in the class. I remembered when I knew that a vase could actually be formed through the integrated process of mathematics formula, every time I saw something my mind couldn't help trying to figure out what the formula of it and what would be the limit of its integer. That's why when I saw the film of A Beautiful Mind in which John Nash was 'seeing' formula in his early life, I could relate to his experience though I wasn't like him -paranoid schizophrenia in the way I behaved . †ђąηk ўσυ God, so far I have never had a mental disorder.

As I learned Self Knowledge and Sufism, something else happened. I was introduced to the work of my right brain. Through the teaching I learn to pacify my 'turmoil' mind and let my heart (intuition) took over. The music made by other students enriched me too. The poems that comes from the heart amongst those who had awakened found its true meaning and also awakened my inner being and I too learned to express my feeling in my own way.

And as I can start see things differently I relate myself to nature and universe more. Things that I used to consider as something outside myself, I now try to see them as part of me, just like I am part of the universe. Like last week, when I was having a fever I didn't know how but I was reminded to my ylang ylang plant that few days before I had moved to ground back in the mountain in my hometown. Ylang ylang is a lowland plant while my hometown is in highland. So at that time, my plant was adapting to the cooler weather. And to be able to do that, it has to 'increase' its body temperature and I felt that my body was radiating heat while I was here in Bali last week. Does this make sense? I know this is an out-of-mind idea. But it was the thought that I had and definitely not from my left brain work.

I remember there was a time when I couldn't comprehend the practice that I saw done by the other students. Yet, my heart also knew there should be some explanation to the practice that I haven't understood. So I tried to ignore my left brain remark while my right brain tried to seek understanding. It was only when I read the biography of Master Wang Liping - the Taoist Master of Dragon Gate School of Sect that my left brain gave in and since then the left brain agree to the right brain works.

Have we ever thought that by using right brain
we can generate 'electricity' to lighten up our life
and to some extend other

Do you know what is the explanation that conquered my left brain on the issue of practicing sufism? It was an explanation about the existence of three level of vehicles. The first level which happen to common people related with event, people and things. This is like what is written in newspaper everyday. The second level which happen to the one who have practice the higher consciousness is related with heaven, earth and humanity. Here is where the understanding in seeing what happen to people isn't always as it seemed. Something else that represent humanity in the whole is there, the balance of heaven and earth. And the third level of vehicle is universe, Time and energy. Here, Time is no longer the time as we see by the clock. It's the big T of time where the one who have done and refined their inner work have the ability to know about something that will happen before it happen for the message is already written in the 'universe'. Not only that they possess something that common people called as 'extra ordinary' not in term of physical ability.

This explanation was easily understood by my left brain because it had liked physics very much. For her the difference level of understanding is as simple of understanding basic physics of Newton Law on motion and then go the next one of principle of electrical current and the latest one is the nuclear / quantum physics where the particles getting smaller yet the energy produced getting a lot bigger than the former.

Walking with Time

So here I'm having both left and right brain working - well the left one now in a way is under repair hehehe..... I use my left brain more when dealing with problem at works and use my right brain more when dealing with my personal life. In that way of working I let myself to live in the uncertainty of what the future may bring but only letting myself to enjoy the moment that comes as today.

In tranquility,
Time become friend
not enemy not even a shadow  

Having both sides of brain function is a miracle in itself. The only possibility is to use them both according to situation, so that I can live normally. I've seen and read in the past how people have tendency to use only one side of them and it caused their life to be imbalance and they suffered because of it. I mean The Creator has created us in perfect balance and certainly each has its own purpose as science already prove it. It is our ignorance that has been the cause of our suffering.

And as the right one is now more in use, I know as I have experienced in the past, I may have a vision on what may happen to me. I would take that as a guidance from the Divine and accept whatever that has been written for me to happen hopefully with patience and gratitude.

It's like walking with Time. If we already understand what Time really is, then we will never be afraid of it. We will never run out of time or having time wasted or try to manage time. We will make Time as our friend. We will synchronize our 'time' to the Time we have so we can walk together as friend not as an enemy, not as a shadow.

There is a lesson from RMP Sosrokartono about the virtue in walking with Time. He said:
Ikhlas marang apa sing wes kelakon - Be content on what has happened
Trimah apa kang dilakoni - Accept on what is happening
Pasrah marang apa kang bakal ana - Yield to what may happen
The three principle is essentially the living experience of 'Iyyaka na'budu wa Iyyaka nastain' - to You I worship and to You I ask for help.
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Having both my left and right brain conquer to the greater cause, with the right attitude as taught above I believe my walking with Time will be very pleasing and interesting. Insha Allah.