Acceptance
Of all the reason I am chosen to be the peacemaker between both parties, I think the main reason is because both parties accept me. I mean I have given the chances to other person to be the peace maker or to be the decision maker to bridge the difference between them, some how it didn't work. Even the head of dept that I thought should be able to decide what to do in dealing with the situation, finally passed the authority to make decision to me for some reason.
| Accepting the true self isn't about pride, it is about living this life |
In such situation, there is nothing that I can do but practicing acceptance. Accepting the situation that is given to me to solve, accepting their difference, accepting their individuality, accepting their ability and accepting their possibility to achieve the goal and accepting their similarity in the whole process. This acceptance, at least from my side, help me to approach each parties without much problems. Oh, and I practiced indifference to show I am as much male as they are in resolving the situation.
During the process of reconciliation, I stake my position and reputation to ensure that they will do their part based on the plan I draw for them after considering the whole situation and that if one with higher authority ever question them, I will be the one to answer. It is a self guarantee that I have to let them know that they are accepted and that they all can contribute to the project.
You may say that I am tired of conflict that is caused by people who just can't manage their interest and give in to the greater reason. But let me remind you on the ancient wisdom of Tao Te Ching on this:
22. Home
Accept and you become whole,
Bend and you straighten,
Empty and you fill,
Decay and you renew,
Want and you acquire,
Fulfill and you become confused.
The sage accepts the world
As the world accept The Way;
He does not display himself, so is clearly seen,
Does not justify himself, so is recognized,
Does not boast, so is credited,
Does not pride himself, so endures,
Does not contend, so none contend against him.
The ancients said 'Accept and you become whole'
Once whole, the world is as your home.
People need to practice that to be able to work as a team. And I need to practice it to enable them to perform their best quality to achieve the greater goals. Besides that, I believe that working is about enjoyment. When we can't really enjoy the work and feel like at home because of some conflict arise, then the work will become a burden and the people involve will not endure.
Impartiality
One important character that I have to hold fast and show in being peacemaker is impartiality. That I don't favor one to the other. It's hard not to do that when I have mingled more with one side of the parties and understand their reason. Still I have to be objective in looking into the matters.
The challenge is the other party hadn't been so willing to cooperate and tend to use their own judgment rather than open up and accept the other to enable them to be a teamwork in achieving the same goal.
To be impartial then I have to befriend with them, look deeper into their nature to see the background aspect that made them reluctant to work as a team. By doing so, I can gather more information about them that will help me to bridge the difference. I also have to reserve my judgment to each party so that I won't violate the situation. It's an advantage that they both trust my judgment and my authority to be impartial. For I don't draw any profits or loss in their disagreement. My only concern is to help them work in a better working environment and that their skill and intention to be a beneficial person can be utilized at best. In doing this, I learn to practice the wisdom of Tao Te Ching as follows:
| Even justice need to be upheld with a clear and open eyes to know where they will lead to |
56. Impartiality
Who understand does not preach;
Who preaches does not understand.
Reserve your judgment and words;
Smooth difference and forgive disagreement;
Dull your wit and simplify your purpose;
Accept the world.
Then friendship and enmity,
Profit and loss,
Honor and disgrace,
Will not affect you;
The world will accept you.
In being impartial then I have to see the needs of those that is reluctance to cooperate. I have also let the problems dragged out for some time to give chances for each parties to work on their differences and seek agreement. Since they couldn't manage to give in, I know I have to do something about it and see what I can do to include any of them into the teamwork and draw a plan for them to enable them performing their skill as a teamwork in achieving the greater purpose. It is in progress. اَلْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ after I laid the plan, they agreed to follow. I still have further outline the plan and tie the loose end to really make it happen. And I also have to monitor its progress. Once the purpose is accomplished then I can withdraw myself and pass the responsible to the appointed team leader.
Sincerity
Can you imagine what would happen to me and the others if I were having my selfish motives in being the middle-man?
I would lie to each one of them to fulfill my own agenda and create hatred that will burn each one of them to hate the other party more. And instead of getting better, I make the whole situation worse, like getting rid of the one that is being the weakest link in the teamwork.
| It is the essence of surah Al Iklhas "The Sincerity" that we should have no other purpose in living our life but to fulfill His Decree upon us. |
Here is when sincerity is highly appreciated. Because sincerity isn't about winning's people opinion or making good impression on me. It is about doing the right thing for the greater cause and stand your ground. That each parties can serve their raison d'etre. That I can help to create peace in each parties while they do their part.
And for me personally it is in executing the command of Allah in the Qur'an 'And if two factions among the believers should fight, then make settlement between the two. But if one of them oppresses the other, then fight against the one that oppresses until it returns to the ordinance of Allah . And if it returns, then make settlement between them in justice and act justly. Indeed, Allah loves those who act justly. The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. And fear Allah that you may receive mercy.' [QS 49: 9-10]
People have their own definition on sincerity. At least this is what I read in Wikipedia, that the way society act and think have affected us in defining this virtue of the heart. For me personally, I am aware that being peacemaker is also having possibility to be called 'double agent' in war or 'hypocrite' in a hostile environment.
But then people need to see deeper into the heart to start calling the person with such labels. If we can't see deeper into the heart, we can see their motives in the way they act and perform things. I am not about to point out the differences of those three terms. But their fundamental differences is in sincerity of the heart. And since people have their own ideas about sincerity, then it isnot mistaken that the content of surah Al Ikhlas "The Sincerity" in the Qur'an is as given "Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One, Allah , the Eternal Refuge. He neither begets nor is born, Nor is there to Him any equivalent." [QS 112: 1-4]
And if I shall be delighted for all the efforts that I have to put up with all the trouble and discomfit I have to face in settling the problems, the blessing that is given to the peace maker as the Bible said "Blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God." Matthew 5:9 will be very rewarding, not to mention the life experience itself is worth living. :)
†ђąηk ўσυ Allah, that for the decree and the guidance You had shown me to settle the matter.
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