A Cry of Anguish

I started this new year in gregorian calendar with a feeling of mourning. Not only my aunt had passed away, but also my little sister had a family problem with her husband. I had to witness her crying out of anguish and desparate in facing her situation at that time.

Cry and Seek the Love within

I know her characters. From the beginning I had told her to cope with the situation by being passive and let the matter settle first before making any decision. But she is just a person who can't stand still, her mind is running wild and it distracted her calmness and her ability to see the problem objectively.

My understanding about (mosf) of anything in life is there certainly a root cause when things went wrong. It's the same with the problem my sister has. She is just the way she is... she has tendency to direct people just like the way sometimes she does with us, her sisters and brothers. She may think that it's for the good cause, but she often forgets that every individual has their own way of thinking and their own wish in approaching their life. In a way, she is a dominant person, though she doesn't intend to. It's because she loves them too much, that the love she gives can choke others. That's what happened with her family problem, though it's just one aspect of the faults. I see the fault of her husband as well in this situation, but I am not to talk about his, I only want to focus on her, my dear little sister. I cried for her and her son, though I could see the greater wisdom for her own benefits in returning all the problem to Allah as the Most Known of All. 

Looking back to her life, I could understand her behaviour. We both brought up as an orphan, she may feel a kind of insecurity because of that situation. At that time, our mother being a single parent had to raise ten children on her own and my little sister was just a little kid about 6 years old. Though my mother had tried her best to care for us, she might not feel having enough especially a fatherly figure (our father, may he rest in peace), thus subconsciously acted the way she was (taking masculine role in her family life). Anyway, this is just an amateur analysis from me. 

What I had told tell her is actually for her to let him go and leave her husband alone. Let him come around in his own time. Do not think of him but just focus on herself, try to seek the love within. Moreover she is now pregnant for her second baby. I told her to let Allah care for her husband and make herself happy in right way certainly. When she has cooling down, she can always act in the right way for her family with a clear mind and be prepared for the worst.

But since it is against her brought-up-character, my sugggestion was difficult to follow, added with her stubbornness. I don't blame her. I guess she has never done that before. So it is a tall order for her to do. In her crying of desperation, I adviced her to be strong and to not desperate. If she can take the best out of that worst situation, she could be a better person. To help her cool down her anger, her boiling blood as she said I gave her a potion water using a prayer taken from Qur'anic verses from which Prophet Ibrahim pbuh found his safety and peace in the great fire that burned him. May Allah gives her peace and tranquility.

Her cry was an expression of her weakness in front of The Greater Power. She needs to learn to soften her heart and submit herself to The Greater Cause, for it is clearly stated in Tao Te Ching:

29. Ambition

Those who wish to change the world 

According with their desire 

In silence and acceptance, turn a problem into a blessing 

Cannot succeed. 

The world is shaped by the Way; 

It cannot be shaped by the self. 

Trying to change it, you damage it; 

Trying to possess it, you lose it. 

So some will lead, while others follow. 

Some will be warm, others cold 

Some will be strong, others weak. 

Some will get where they are going 

While others fall by the side of the road. 

So the sage will be neither extravagant nor violent.

I pray that she finds her consolation, peace and tranquility for the sake of her own self, her baby-to-come and her family. That in her silent and acceptance, she will be turned into a beautiful butterfly with a stronger heart in living her life.