The Reality of A Coin

head and tail

We all know about a small round metal that is called a coin has two faces, one with picture is called head and the other one usually with number is called tail. This reality is often used by people to make their random choices when they can't decide which one to take. Originally there is nothing wrong with the head nor the tail, but they can't make up their mind to decide. They are as they are. It could be that one prefer the head and the other prefer the tail. But as a coin, one can't get only one side of it. The two sides is as is. When it is used to make a random decision, it has no choice but to follow what has to be done when they're tossed in the air and then flipped to give the option. As the coin lying in our hand, we can only see the top side of it not the bottom one. One reality is shown while the other reality is hidden.

These two sides of coin also take place in our life. We have tendency to only see what is tangible and ignore the one that is intangible. Another way is that we tend to take for granted our own ideas and perspective and ignore other people's idea and perspective. We consider other people's ideas, opinion, motive, intention or inner struggle are hidden and unknown thus we just forget and ignore them. Phil Collins put it in his song the need for us to hear 'Both Sides of Story' so that we can live in harmony. 

Physical Refraction

What seems broken is not

There is a natural phenomenon in which when we see things through a crystal clear water we get a false kind of image. For example when we see a spoon in the glass that is filled with water. It is as if the spoon was broken while in truth it isn't. Or we see the bottom of a clear river. As if the river bed is shallow when in truth it isn't. In physics this phenomenon is called refraction, that is the change of direction of a ray of light, sound, heat, or the like, in passing obliquely from one medium into another in which its wave velocity is different.

The cause of that false 'image' is because the wave velocity in the air is different from the wave velocity in the water. As a natural phenomenon we can not do anything about it. It is as it is. The only thing we can do is try to understand the nature of it and then act according to our understanding.

I remember one important natural phenomenon that is used in any physics textbook about this refraction is the spectrum color of rainbow. In fact the oldest picture of scantiest researching on this and later found the Law of Refraction is they used a glass prism to get an image of color spectrum. Apparently each color have their unique velocity that when it hit the glass refractor it caused each of colors bent slightly to different direction. From this experiment we can understand the phenomenon of rainbow in the sky, that it isn't a stairway of angels from heaven but a refraction of sun light by the water vapor in the sky. This phenomenon later gives us the information of physical quantum that a beam of sunlight contains a wide spectrum of wavelength from ultraviolet to infrared waves.

Mind Refraction

Do we know that this refraction is not only happening in nature? As the mind rely their information to our senses, mind refraction can take place as we perceive things. Because so often what can be seen by the eyes can't be comprehend by the ears, what can be taste by the palate can't be comprehend by the eyes. what can be smelled can't be comprehend by the skin. Each faculty serves different purpose for the mind to figure out the true reality of something.

The most common mind refraction is seen when people arguing over something. In looking into the same object, two or three or more people can have their differences. And when each of them do not try to understand the other, they will argue with each other while in reality they are talking about the same object. It is why tolerance can only be execute by those who has knowledge and ability to see things beyond their own thoughts and ideas. And understanding is the only solution to resolve an escalated argumentation.

Preconceive ideas and prejudice are the common words of this mind refraction. Our idea about something and someone that is based on our past experience and lack of certain knowledge. They had caused us to act in such a way that sometimes isn't expected. For example when we see something bright with color like fire our immediate conclusion is that it should be hot and that we shouldn't touch it to avoid getting burned. However in reality the bright thing with color like fire apparently cool and precious.

Different angle gives different point of view

The story of this mind refraction is apparently common in the world as related in Wikipedia in the story the blind men and an elephant below :

A number of blind men came to an elephant. Somebody told them that it was an elephant. The blind men asked, ‘What is the elephant like?’ and they began to touch its body. One of them said: 'It is like a pillar.' This blind man had only touched its leg. Another man said, ‘The elephant is like a husking basket.’ This person had only touched its ears. Similarly, he who touched its trunk or its belly talked of it differently.

Psychological Refraction

I remember when I was teenage, my brother had quite a collection of Queen cassettes, an English rock band with Freddie Mercury as the lead vocalist. I liked their songs too. Their story ended after Freddie Mercury died of AIDS in 1991. As I saw his best performance in singing their songs on stage, a different reality of his personal life had finally came up in how his life ended. I was young and didn't know much about his life story, so I could only relate to his outer appearance; never really knew for sure how his personal life was. So the ending was quite shocking especially with the information that I had on AIDS at that time. Because I liked his songs and at that time as I had a narrow minded and sentiment on Arabic look. I used to consider Arab was identical to Muslim world  and Western to Christianity. And since Freddie Mercury had an Arabic face, I liked him more.

The lack of one creates so called psychological refraction

For Freddie Mercury, he may have lived his life to the fullest for he did his best on stage and care less what other people thought of him or his personal life. To my own standard, he may lead a very different life that I will not lead on. But he did what he did. As reality hit me, it opened my mind that people aren't always as they seemed to be, especially those whose life's revolving around entertainment industries. Those who look very confidence may have problem with their self esteem and life balance. And the more I read about famous people among sportsmen and entertainer either musicians and artists, their lives story told me so.And I don't mean to be judgmental here. I merely stated about the reality of psychological refraction. 

Divine Refraction

Have we ever thought or felt the spiritual state of any saints or even prophets or messengers of Allah? Did they ever loose their confidence and always have their self esteem like any people who we thought had a great deal of self confidence.

Let us look at the story of prophet Moses before he was sent to Pharaoh. He knew his own state of being. He knew his lack of speech after his tongue was burn in his childhood for taking fire into his mouth instead of milk. And he knew that he was nothing compared to Pharaoh. So looking into his humanly nature had had him lost his confidence. Yet, the command was too mighty to be denied. So he prayed his prayer that said, "My Lord, expand for me my breast [with assurance] and ease for me my task. And untie the knot from my tongue that they may understand my speech. And appoint for me a minister from my family - Aaron, my brother. Increase through him my strength and let him share my task that we may exalt You much and remember You much. Indeed, You are of us ever Seeing." [QS 20 : 25 - 35]

As his prayer was granted [QS 20: 36], Prophet Moses then found his assurance and courage to face Pharaoh and told him to stop his transgression and submit himself to God. In the eyes of others his act may reflect his self-confidence. In truth it was of the strength and greatness of Allah that he found within him that he could face the challenge and led his people to cross Red Sea.

As Prophet Moses AS faced Pharaoh, who would have thought that before that he felt helpless

And there was a story of our great prophet Muhammad SAW when for the first time had to face the first and greatest battle of all i.e. the Battle of Badr. Logically they knew the foe was greater in term of number and weapons. As the history told it was 315 of the believers and they were in the middle of fasting against 1000 armies. They worried if they would lost the battle. And this situation got the believers to think on how to ever beat them. Their concern was represented by Abu Bakr RA when he asked prophet Muhammad SAW. Before answering this he prayed to Allah for determination and victory, for he SAW was also aware that if they ever lost in that first battle, the growth of Islam would be eradicated though he had been told earlier by Divine message that he would win the battle (QS 8: 7)

He prayed for help as mentioned in the Qur'an " [Remember] when you asked help of your Lord, and He answered you, "Indeed, I will reinforce you with a thousand from the angels, following one another." And Allah made it not but good tidings and so that your hearts would be assured thereby. And victory is not but from Allah . Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. [Remember] when He overwhelmed you with drowsiness [giving] security from Him and sent down upon you from the sky, rain by which to purify you and remove from you the evil [suggestions] of Satan and to make steadfast your hearts and plant firmly thereby your feet. [QS 8: 9 - 11]. It was after they overwhelmed with drowsiness and followed by the rain fall that they gained their strength and courage to face the army group instead of the unarmed group of Abu Sufyan. 

So we see two different states in which the inner and the outer self responded to situation. The inner state showed their helplessness yet the outer state showed they're unbeatable. Which one is their true state? To those great men, the true state is their helplessness. For their life had become the medium of God to manifest His Words "That He should establish the truth and abolish falsehood, even if the criminals disliked it. " [QS 8: 8]

It is with this great act that when they gained their victory, they didn't act arrogance nor claim the victory was caused by their action. For they knew their victory indeed belong to their Lord not of their acts. The best example was shown during the conquest of Mecca. With their numerous numbers and possibility to take revenge after what the disbelievers had in the past, Prophet Muhammad SAW forgave them all and gave them the option to either submit themselves to Allah by becoming Muslim or gave them sometime to prepare themselves to migrate to other cities for since that day on, Mecca is forbidden from any infidels inhabitants.

The great prophet Muhammad SAW ever said that among mankind, the most difficult hardship was given to the prophet and the next one was His saints. We don't know for certain how they coped with their inner struggle though outwardly they have to carry on their work in confidence and bore the hardship with patience. They didn't talk their hardship to their people. In their unwavering faith and trust, they complained the hardship they have to face to Allah - their Lord. As Qur'an relate the saying of prophet Jacob AS  "I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah , and I know from Allah that which you do not know." [QS 12:86]. Another example is from Prophet Job when he called his Lord "Indeed, adversity has touched me, and you are the Most Merciful of the merciful." [QS 21:83]

Now, let see the state of common people in facing their hardship. They either complain or do something about it. And when they do something, mostly they rely on their own strength and knowledge. Of course nothing wrong with that. They prepared their best with all their humanly strength they could muster to be successful, forgetting themselves about the very thing that allow them to do just that. And when they gained their success or victory and was asked how come they're successful? They responded that they had worked their hard and forget the very thing that allowed them to live and experience that. Yet when they lost, they blamed something or someone else, became miserable and hopeless. These are the symptom of ungrateful heart for in their success they take the credit and forget about their Creator and when they failed they're hopeless. How different is their state to the one that is in proximity to their Lord. 

  

Taking Lesson

If we can accept the reality of a coin with its two sides, can we also accept the reality of our being, of other people with their two sides of story? Because so often we are being hard on ourselves as well as others when we have to face the other side of their identity. 

I mean, just recently I was questioned and told on my status of being single by two different persons that I respect their opinion very much. The question she asked me was "What do you wish in a man as a husband?" Her nature as a mother had her raised the question. She'd been trying to be a match maker. I was faltered in answering the question. Yet, the other person told me that many actually liked me but they're loath of my power to go further. Though I had heard this from my female friend, the information was still quite unbelievable to me. I don't see or think myself that way. And I was wondering the kind of power they're loath of for I have none. Most people will think that I'm too picky while I just need an approval from My Lord and I'm helpless without His guidance. I told her that I needed the man to tell his sincere intention directly. If they can't see beyond my self and overcome their shyness, I can't do anything about it. It seems to me there's a refraction in the way they see me.

For me, the understanding of this natural refraction help me to set the way I respond on things. On spiritual aspect, I try to follow the best example given to mankind. And I know it isn't easy. Our ego and trained mind are the biggest challenge we have to face. The only thing to overcome them is by asking HIS guidance and help. We need to separate ourselves from our ego and trained mind to understand the different aspect of our being. Some people use meditation to do that. For me, Self Knowledge helps me to do it.

There is a prayer I used to recite and it was taken from the prayer taught by prophet Muhammad SAW that said "Allohummaj'alni syukuuron waj'alni subuuron waj'alni fii aini soghiiron wa fii a'yunin naasi kabiiron" Oh Allah, grant me the ability to thank You and to be patience, and to see myself insignificant and to be great in the sight of other". The prayer is a prayer of humility. For the one who see their self insignificant will certainly see the greatness of Allah - Their Creator. And the greatness that others see in them is acknowledged to be the greatness of Allah that is bestowed upon them.  It is taught not out of lack of self esteem, but of knowledge on the true state of our real Self.

And the best way in dealing with the false image kind of people is by maintaining our sincerity. At least this my conclusion after talking to a woman who married a good man with "false" image. Even after living with him for so many years, she sometimes wonder whether he was serious or joking. I personally try to maintain a positive and sincere attitude first to these kind of men and then practice it to others as well. From here we then develop the ability to accept and respect people as they are. It is our acknowledgement that they are the creature of Our Lord..

That's why another lesson to learn on understanding this refraction is that we shouldn't judge people by their outer appearance. A common words people used is "Don't judge a book by its cover" remain true. It's easy to put it into writing than to implement it in our life. For many misunderstanding, disagreement, fight, and war come from this refraction. Understanding the difference between the physical look and the spiritual heart, the mind and the behavior, the cover and the content is part of accepting the nature of refraction on.

After all, the reality of these two sides of coin is the manifestation of His Attributes: Az Zahir (The Manifest One) and Al Batiin (The Hidden One).