Longing for Greatness

Yesterday I was moving some of my file folders from my laptop to external hard drive. I don't want to lose my data when another crush happen to my laptop. It's getting old anyway. And it doesn't seem to work as it used to be after my act of stupidity took his life temporarily :) anyway....

When I did that, I came accros a file that I found some time ago in the internet. It was a page of statement that is very inspiring and that  someday I wish to use it as an opening page in starting a chapter in living my own family life. At the bottom of the statement there was a copyright that said it belomg to Brene Brown of Daring Greatly. 

So I searched through the internet using that keyword and I found her book in amazon.com. I wanted to buy it, just like I want to buy another book of Sharing Nature by Joseph Cornell but I couldn't. They can't send them to Indonesia (or maybe to the address I put there). Anyway.  I'm still curious of her ideas of Daring Greatly, so I looked at some other links given. I read the reviews in goodreads.com that said mostly it was good book with some critics. I also watched the youtube.com on her lectures in TED and interview on Oprah Show

These got me thinking on how western society live their life with their openness in speaking up their mind, how they treat and handle shame and vulnerability. In my mind I started to make comparison to the way oriental people treat and handle it. More less is the same. And then I looked at my recent experience on how I handled shame (well, it was more of guilt) and vulnerability. I thank Allah for His blessing and here is the wrap up from the lesson I learned from The Almighty Allah.

Daring Greatly

The book under title Daring Greatly was actually based on the inspired message by Theodore Roosevelt given to the armies who were in the frontier defending their country. Here is what he said:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. ~Theodore Roosevelt ~

We know how military and corporate management structure are made. Those under general title was the last one to be killed when going to war. Those who are stationed in the frontier are the one who will get killed first, whether they are going to win or lose the war. When they win, they get less than the general and when they lose they probably are the one to get the blame and punished for not doing it right. The punishment is either by becoming a captive and treated badly by enemy or they returned home and get rotten eggs on their faces. And if they flee from the battle ground without valid reason, they are called coward, being sentence in military court as a deserter.  So it was really an unfair game. And what a great man he was, to motivate his soldiers to do their best and understand their fate of the being vulnerable while as soldiers they have to be the strong one to defend their country.

And Dr. Brene Brown took the message to her heart in dealing with her personal problem and her work. And she came up with the book. When I watched her video lecture in TED, she used a picture to describe the two situation. She used a black dirty swamp to describe a shame and a light at the end of the dark tunnel for vulnerable. It reminded me of something I wrote long time ago, which I will elaborate more in anorher sub topic. Insha Allah.

So yes, daring greatly is something that we have to do to get back our self dignity. It is our birth right given to us by our Great Creator, Allah SWT. No one should ever take it away from us and no one should throw it away by doing things that will degrade themselves to be lesser than animals. Even animals know how to protect their territory, why can't we? So we need to live our life in dignity; not with shame. And certainly we can live with vulnerable. Because vulnerable is the nature of life.

Vulnerable and Shame

Vulnerable.

What is vulnerable?  Free dictionary defines it as an adjective:

1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt physically or emotionally.

2. susceptible to temptation or corrupt influence.

3. open to or defenseless against criticism or moral attack.

4. (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend.

5. having won one of the games of a rubber of bridge.

And here is the definition that Dr. Brene gives to vulnerability, which is the noun of being vulnerable:

" Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” 

― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

And I have to agree with her on this. My reason is based on my long study on Tao Te Ching and seek its truth in Nature and the nature of Life. Here is what was written in Tao Te Ching:

Death [TTC :50]

Men flow into life,
And ebb into death

Some are filled with life;

Some are empty with death;

Some hold fast to life and thereby perish,

For life is an abstraction.

Those who are filled with life

Need not fear tiger and rhinos in the wilds,

Nor wear armour and shields in battle;

The rhinoceros finds no place in them for its horn,

The tiger no place for its claw,

The soldier no place for a weapon.

For death finds no place in them.

Flexibility [TTC :76]

A newborn is soft and tender

A crone, hard and stiff

Plants and animals, in life, are supple and succulent;

In death, withered and dry.

So softness and terderness are attributes of life,

And hardness and stiffness, attributes of death.

From the above verses we know how vulnerable is a newborn, so tiny and fragile that we almost afraid to hold it for fear that it would break. Yet, it carries within it a life that subtly touching them in the form of breath. So we see the sign of life on the movement of their chest as the baby breathing in and breathing out.

However as we get older and taught by school and society, we tend to forget about this. Especially men. They are taught to be strong, invincible, leader and number one in their fields of expertise. Society has taught that for men to cry and having vulnerability is a sign of weakness. And as they thrive to achieve their wordly success they tend to forget the very thing that allow them to be; that is life. And this morning, I was reminded through His verse in the Quran " The  example  of  [this]  worldly  life  is  but  like  rain  which  We  have  sent  down  from  the sky  that  the  plants  of  the  earth  absorb  -   [those]  from  which  men  and  livestock  eat  - until,  when  the  earth  has  taken  on  its  adornment  and  is  beautified  and  its  people suppose  that  they  have  capability  over  it,  there  comes  to  it  Our  command  by  night  or by  day,  and  We  make  it  as  a  harvest,  as  if  it  had  not  flourished  yesterday.  Thus  do  We explain  in  detail  the  signs  for  a  people  who  give  thought. " [QS 10: 24]

With this kind of life in this world without understanding its nature, then it is certain that we are the vulnerable one against all the changes that going on all the time, and at the end of the day gaining nothing but tired, regret, beaten and left to nothing but a death body burried with a stone mark that said mr or mrs so and so was born in bla bla bla and leave the world in bla bla bla. Rest in peace. Period.

What kind of life would that be? When all the while we thought we have achieve greatness in life. From dust we are turned back to dust. And everything become just a memory that only a few may remember while our soul return to its Original Source with whatever it has gained along its journey in this world.  So indeed vulnerable is the state of ours when we were sent down to this world. And vulnerable is its state, as long as it hasn't found its original Source.

Shame

What is shame? Thesaurus identifiy it as a noun below:

1.shame - a painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt

feeling - the experiencing of affective and emotional states; "she had a feeling of euphoria"; "he had terrible feelings of guilt"; "I disliked him and the feeling was mutual"

conscience - a feeling of shame when you do something immoral; "he has no conscience about his cruelty"

self-disgust, self-hatred - shame resulting from strong dislike of yourself or your actions

embarrassment - the shame you feel when your inadequacy or guilt is made public

2.shame - a state of dishonor; "one mistake brought shame to all his family"; "suffered the ignominy of being sent to prison"

disgrace, ignominy

dishonor, dishonour - a state of shame or disgrace; "he was resigned to a life of dishonor"

humiliation - state of disgrace or loss of self-respect

obloquy, opprobrium - state of disgrace resulting from public abuse

odium - state of disgrace resulting from detestable behavior

reproach - disgrace or shame; "he brought reproach upon his family"

3.shame - an unfortunate development; "it's a pity he couldn't do it"

pity

misfortune, bad luck - unnecessary and unforeseen trouble resulting from an unfortunate event

Verb1.shame - bring shame or dishonor upon; "he dishonored his family by committing a serious crime"

attaint, disgrace, dishonor, dishonour

befoul, maculate, defile, foul - spot, stain, or pollute; "The townspeople defiled the river by emptying raw sewage into it"

2.shame - compel through a sense of shame; "She shamed him into making amends"

compel, obligate, oblige - force somebody to do something; "We compel all students to fill out this form"

3.shame - cause to be ashamed

arouse, elicit, evoke, provoke, enkindle, kindle, fire, raise - call forth (emotions, feelings, and responses); "arouse pity"; "raise a smile"; "evoke sympathy"

discountenance - look with disfavor on; "The republic soon discountenanced its few friends"

4.shame - surpass or beat by a wide margin

outdo, outgo, outmatch, outperform, outstrip, surpass, exceed, surmount - be or do something to a greater degree; "her performance surpasses that of any other student I know"; "She outdoes all other athletes"; "This exceeds all my expectations"; "This car outperforms all others in its class"

And what is the definiition given by Dr. Brene in  her work on shame? Shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. It's the most primitive human emotion we all feel—and the one no one wants to talk about. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, eating disorders, violence, bullying and aggression. Guilt, however, is not. She said "When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose.”  and that “If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can't survive.” 

― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

So shame is the lowest point in life that human being can have. It is the ground zero where we are left to nothing unless we acknowledge and understand its nature as part of life/death/life cycle process. To understand what I mean by life/death/life cycle you can read my other article on Cycle of Life.

And you know what? Tao Te Ching don't talk about shame at all. In its entirety I couldn't find anything that point out to the state of shame. Don't you wonder why? I do.

So I then searched through its verses that can tell me what Lao Tzu said about it. And I come across below verses which told me that once you're alive there shouldn't be any shame in living it. If it were really existed, it was only in our mind and whoever under the state being depressed, addicted, violence, bullying, aggression they are under illusion of their mind. I mean, can you see yourself being one with Nature that said on Abstraction:

When beauty is abstracted 

Then ugliness has been implied;

When good is abstracted

Then evil has been implied.

So alive and death are abstraction from nature,

Difficult and easy abstracted from progress,

Long and short abstracted from contrast,

High and low abstracted from depth,

Song and speech abstracted from melody,

After and before abstracted from sequence. [TTC: 2]

Shame that resulted in addiction, depression, eating disorders, violence, bullying and aggression is a by producr of misunderstanding life amd its nature. I am sorry to point out this to anyone who may have undergone such a traumatic emotional wound / hurt. Because it may sound very heartless and unempathy. But, believe me, I know how it felt being in a shameful position. So, I will elaborate more on this so you can understand what I mean. And I am going to take you to reflect on the history of the great man ever, prophet Muhammad SAW.

Interpreting a Lotus

He was good man before his prophethood. And he was still a good after that. Yet, what happened along the way especially in the first 13th years of his early life as a prophet? He went through all the hardship, oppression, and humiliation from those so called politically and financially strong and influencial people amongst Quraisy tribes.  Yet he succumbed all that with patience. He was truly in a state of vulnerable during Mecca period. Oh, I know inside he must have gone through all the agony man could ever have. But, we didn't see it. We couldn't see it. Only those who had been through similar situation can understand the inner pain and suffering he had been through.

What happened inside?

Since he was a good man and he had done some reflection on his life, the society of Arab people at that time before being appointed as a prophet. This understanding gave him a foundation. And being a prophet gave him more understanding about his Creator when he had to deliver the message to the  people and the possibility in having their rejection. And the history wrote the kinds of rejection and humiliation he had; all the trials to put him into his vulnerable state. But shame? No, he wasn't really affected by the whole schemes that was trying to put him to shame. He stood up for what he believed.

He saw all the swamp that surrounded him at that time, all the ignorance from the majority people, all the oppression that he had at that time as the sign of the greatness of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala. And that if he had to conquer that and merged into His greatness he had to have the ability to extract the good, turn the bad ones to become good. Otherwise let fate take holds on those who stubbornly rejected and refused to face their own fate before His Lord.

And how did he do it? By pure love. By loving Allah greatly. So great that he'd rather die than giving in to the enticement of Quraisy tribe. His proximity to Allah gave him a deeper understanding of soul searching, of true nature of human being, of the universe, of life, of love, of eternity. Those vulnerable moment and what seemed to be a shameful situation had been turned into a great experience ever. 

He understood without those moment in his life, he would never know the true victory of humanity. That without those moment in his life, he would never know the greatness of Allah. And without those moment in his life, he would never know how great a human being could ever be. He was the great man ever. That without those moment in his life, he would never know how to relate to other human being, how they will have to go through similar situation and that he felt compassion towards them. As the Quran narrated very clearly " There  has  certainly  come  to  you  a  Messenger  from  among  yourselves.  Grievous  to  him is  what  you  suffer;  [he  is]  concerned  over  you  and  to  the  believers  is  kind  and  merciful. But  if  they  turn  away,  [O  Muhammad],  say,  "Sufficient  for  me  is Allah ;  there  is  no deity  except  Him.  On  Him  I  have  relied,  and  He  is  the  Lord  of  the  Great  Throne." [QS 9: 128 - 129]

Extracting the good from the bad, turn the bad into good is what exactly we need to do when we are swamped with the dirt of this world,  humiliation, oppression or aggression. Don't give in. Have a heart to walk through it. It is about being good and remain good in any situation. And that is exactly the meaning of a lotus in any spiritual enlightenment. Turning the dirty swamp of this world into a beautiful flower that grows and floats above it.

So shame? Don't be. Don't get caught by the way our mind think. It was just an illusion. Hold fast to the reality of the heart and try to see the light at the end of the tunnel; that is the greatness of you as human being.

Baqiyatush Sholihah

Of all the Islamic teaching there are something called Baqiyyatush Sholihah. An arabic words means a permanence goodness. It is as mentioned in the Quran surah Kahfi 46 and surah Maryam 76. I will write down one of them here, one that I think is more reliable to the this topic "And Allah increases  those  who  were  guided,  in  guidance,  and  the  enduring  good  deeds are  better  to  your  Lord  for  reward  and  better  for  recourse." [QS 19: 76]

And folllowing the saying of the great prophet Muhammad SAW the enduring good deeds that at The End of The Days will come to us as our shields in front, back, right left are SUBHAANALLOH, ALHAMDULILLAH, LAA ILAAHA ILLA ALLOH, ALLOHU AKBAR, LAA HAWLA WALAA QUWWATA ILLA BILLAH. And do you know from where the devil is tryimg to allure us while we are living this life? Exactly those direction; front, back, right and left as he said " [Satan] said,  "Because You have put me in error, I will surely sit in wait for them  on Your  straight  path. Then I will come to them from before them and  from behind them and on their right and on their left, and You will not find most of them grateful [to  You]." [QS 7: 17]

Now, since the topic is about the greatness  I will talk more about one of the Baqiyyatush Sholihah,  that is ALLOHU AKBAR which means Allohu is the Greatest of All. Hopefully if you can understand my explanation here, you can also understaand the other and apply them in living your life.

Allah is the Greatest of All

Alloh is The Greatest of All, what does it mean? Are we imagining His Greatness as vaster than the universe? Are you imagining His Greatness as bigger than the biggest mountain ever? And that you are so small, so tiny compare to His other creations. Or are you imagining His Greatness as the great ruler you can ever imagine, more than Hitler to Jews or Golda Mier to Palestinian or Idi Amin to Uganda, Saddam Husein to Iraqi or Polpot to Vietnamese, Slobodan Milosevic to Bosnian and so on?

Allah is The Greatest of All. For in His Greatness all the great things we can ever imagine and never imagine before can take places under His permission in the form of life. He creates a dramatic changes in the universe turning everything upside down with His Infinite Divine Knowledge and Wisdom from black to white and white to black, from death to life and life to death, from swamp to garden and garden to swamp, from hate to love and love to hate, from darkness to light and light to darkness and many more contrast we can ever imagine. And as they are unfolded, we - the chosen one amongst all of His creation are to face them as living experience through those people, to acknowledge our vulnerability as His creation and to surrender ourselves before His Majesty and to bear witness that indeed He is The Greatest of All.

It was in that awakening moment, we can then understand that it is His Love that saves us from becoming ashes. Regardless the hardship that we've had and will have to endure in living this life, He had shown us, human being, His Infinite Mercy and Benevolent by preparing all the necessity we need in protecting ourselves in the most vulnerable moment we can ever have. He created air, water, sustenance for us to keep on going. He gives our senses and brain and strength to relate to the outside. He sends down prophets, awliya (saints), ulamaa (wise men) to hold up the light for us. He gives us a niche called heart to communicate with Him directly. That even in our deepest darkest hour, He never leaves us alone. His loves to us, human being is surpassing the love of a mother to her child. Yet, He is also the Greatest of All.

Do we ever notice the kind of gestures human being do when they want to express their surrender? They raise both of their hands in the air. They give up, for what ever reason they give up. And do we also ever notice the kind of gestures that human being do when they gain victory and express their joy? It is the same. They raise their hands in the air. The only difference is in their faces. One with a remorse and dark face and the other with a joy and radiance face. And do you know what is one of the compulsary gestures that we as a Muslim must do in performing our prayer (shalat) to Allah?

Takbiratul Ihram
Acknowledging the purity of His Greatness
The opening of shalat (prayer)

The first and foremost importance gesture is raising our hands and saying softly "ALLOHU...." followed by bringing them to our chest while saying "AKBAR". It is in this light that the great wisdom of Islamic teaching is taught by Allah, the Greatest of All to His beloved messenger, the greatest man ever,  prophet Muhammad SAW. That in our personal moment with Allah, the Almighty, we are to absorb His greatness and put it inside into our deeper core to give us strength in living this life in this world while having vulnerability as our default setting. And if we can use it in the lowest moment of our life, we can certainly use it in the peaks moment of our life. For we know in certainty, whose strength it is that we are using. It is none other but the strength of Allah Subhanahu wa Taala. LAA HAWLA WALAA QUWWATA ILLA BILLAH (there is no strength and power except with Allah).

A story of Butterfly

In facing the hardship, oppression, bullying, and any painful moment in our life, we need to stay conscious and to not let the mind take hold on its ugly truth as is. We must use our heart to cultivate patience and gain wisdom in such situation. We should not let the ugly truth walk away without leaving something good as a token out of life. And here is the story about how a butterfly is going through its transformation from a caterpilar. Here is the story I took from Paulo Coelho's blog:

December 10, 2007 by Paulo Coelho

A man spent hours watching a butterfly struggling to emerge from its cocoon. It managed to make a small hole, but its body was too large to get through it. After a long struggle, it appeared to be exhausted and remained absolutely still.

The man decided to help the butterfly and, with a pair of scissors, he cut open the cocoon, thus releasing the butterfly. However, the butterfly’s body was very small and wrinkled and its wings were all crumpled.

The man continued to watch, hoping that, at any moment, the butterfly would open its wings and fly away. Nothing happened; in fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its brief life dragging around its shrunken body and shrivelled wings, incapable of flight.

What the man – out of kindness and his eagerness to help – had failed to understand was that the tight cocoon and the efforts that the butterfly had to make in order to squeeze out of that tiny hole were Nature’s way of training the butterfly and of strengthening its wings.

Sometimes, a little extra effort is precisely what prepares us for the next obstacle to be faced. Anyone who refuses to make that effort, or gets the wrong sort of help, is left unprepared to fight the next battle and never manages to fly off to their destiny.

(Adapted from a story sent in by Sonaira D’Avila)

Sometimes kindness without proper wisdom doesn't always bring good. Some people need tough and strong lesson in life so they can appreciate kindness and grace.

Perfect in Imperfection

In writing this article, I can't help but have to write this section. The reason is because people often blame the nature of human being as imperfect when they fail to meet the standard they they set upon themselves or others. When I heard about the vulnerable and swamp, the imperfection of human being have been the main reason and issues they use to justify their circumstances. And as I heard it, something inside refuse to take it. It said "No! It isn't not that."

When I say this, I don't mean to be textual by relating to Holy Scriptures. No. This comes from a realization that indeed each one of us is perfect in our own way. I mean, I used to think that I wasn't perfect. That if only my height were taller, or my face were more beautiful or my nose were smaller and longer,  or my brain were brighter. All that because I was making comparison to someone else that I forget that they are a very personal gift from my Creator. I can either take it as it is and cherish it with grace and gratitude, or throw it away and become someone else my idylic mind wish to be. Then, as I learned more and more on Self Knowledge, I know that I will never find perfection in anything else if I can't accept myself wholeheartedly. And not only that, I can never praise and thank Him wholeheartedly if I haven't been able to accept the most personal thing He has given me; that is my self, my body, my soul, my vulnerable state, and my emptiness.

So yes, with all the imperfection that people may think I am, I am perfect as I am. For I have understood what He meant when He said to me through His verses "We have certainly created man in the best of  stature; Then We return him to the lowest of the low,  Except for those  who believe and do righteous deeds, for they will have a reward uninterrupted. " [ QS 95: 4 - 6]

Now, I know people can always question me, what about those deform children from their birth? Should we just leave them, as they are and never reform them for the shake of perfection? That is not what I mean by this. Perfection in imperfection is about a pulse within to evolve, to  grow to an endles possibility. As mentioned in Tao Te Ching on Nature

Nature is not kind;

It treats all things impartially.

The sage is not kind,

And treat all people impartially.

Nature is like a bellows,

Empty, yet never ceasing its supply.

The more it moves, the more it yields;

So the sage draws upon experience

And cannot be exhausted.

[TTC. 5]

So, be great! 

Be a great man we can ever be! 

But, know what is the true greatness is all about!

Allohu Akbar. Allohu Akbar. Allohu Akbar wa lillahil hamdu!
(Allah is the Great. Allah is the Great. Allah is the Great and to Allah all praises belomg)