Refusal without Knowledge

I have a little nephew that I love and he loves me too. Every time I go back to my hometown, he would run and scream "Aunty Umul!" with a big smile then hug my legs and look me up with such adoration in his shining baby-eyes. And it is a very pleasant welcome after a long journey when he does that, as if I were his most lovable aunt in the world :) One day, he got a mild fever, which to him was very unpleasant and painful. And out of love and compassion, I wanted to help him to ease his pain by giving him a blessed honey, something sweet filled with one of ayats from one of the Surahs in Qur'an to reduce his fever as a medicine to heal. Because he was too absorbed in his pain and just cried and cried, he refused it. He covered his face and closed his mouth so that the honey i prepared in a teaspoon wouldn't go into his mouth, regardless its sweetness nor its potency to heal. Till it was his mother turn to get him to take the medicine by using her finger and spread it in his lips. Even so, he still refused it by spitting it out in his crying. Gone is all the loving gesture he showed me while he was in healthy condition. Of course as an adult, I can understand his behavior and can only be patient in receiving and accepting his attitude in such condition.

This experience, reminded me of another recent experience that I got with an adult-baby. I called him an adult-baby because he is a man that I love and I think in a way he loves me too. In normal situation he is a loving person till something happened and triggered his emotional wound (he called it a broken heart) to come up to surface. Out of love and compassion, I tried to help him to ease his pain by giving him some instruction how to use the surahs in the Qur'an as a spiritual healing. Because it was emotional pain (something related with feeling and way of thinking), there is no concrete medium that i can use to heal except giving him some written understanding to make it right.

And the same thing was happened to my adult-baby. He refused to accept the medicine. Now, because he has learned some knowledge in school and have good articulation, he can say something back in his refusal. Something that made me look so mean, patronizing, arrogant, overbearing, cynical, meddlesome and so on. That I had no experience to give him such lecture, that I never knew what his life was before while struggling with the pain and hurt he had. And out of love and compassion I could only understand his attitude and ignore his backlash to me.

Because I knew I could not make him to take the medicine I offered, I left him alone with something to dare him to do it by sacrificing myself. I told him that if he did what i suggested and it didn't work, then I would receive the curse from Allah for being a liar. I mean it would be easy for him to test the case... just do the self healing and see if it really works, don't you think so?! Because if he already dislikes me for being such person as he said about me, he would get rid of me very soon once the truth manifests itself. And if he gets well, emotionally healed through that process, he would be the one who benefits from the situation, not me. But just like my little baby, he refused it without knowledge because he was too absorbed in his pain and the wound inside.

He didn't know that it was Allah who guided me to write those instruction. It is Allah who is my witness inside out throughout the time we communicated. It is Allah who listened to his pray and anguish during those difficult time and let me know his situation. It is Allah who triggered the situation to make the wound come to surface and let the process of healing to begin (if he let himself to heal). It is Allah who made, moved and let all the things to happen to him before. It is Allah, The Creator, The Audience, The Hearer and The Healer. I am merely His Hand to pass the medicine to him.

At the time when he told me that my ego was a high as skyscraper, I knew he couldn't see beyond myself. He didn't know that all along I relied myself to Allah for the healing process to succeed. He didn't know that I had done that process to help my friends at work and with the blessing of Allah it helped them. He didn't know that by reading the book "Eat, Pray, Love" of Elizabeth Gilbert, I could understand and relate to his emotional struggling being a melancholy person during those difficult time and my heart cried for feeling their pain. He didn't know that I had to do what I had to do because I didn't want him to be in the same situation anymore, every time something or someone touch his wound.

He didn't know that I did what I did because I believe in the words of Allah in the Qur'an that said " And We send down of the Qur'an that which is healing and mercy for the believers, but it does not increase the wrongdoers except in loss. " [17.82] He didn't know that my request to him to connect himself to Prophet Ibrahim (peace he upon him) is because he (peace be upon him) is the source (great great great ancestor) of those who had caused him so much pain and that he in himself inherit the seed that can heal his wound, for he (peace be upon him) is his great great great ancestor. He didn't know that I had to do what I had to do because I followed His command as said in Qur'an " And remind, for indeed, the reminder benefits the believers. " [51:55] He didn't know that I had to do what I had to do because I love him. And he may not even know or realize that Allah, the only One that created the thing that triggered his wound to come to surface could turn that experience as a starting process for him to get emotionally healthy again even in his melancholy temperament. So that one day he can look back and say thank you to all those people that have caused him so much pain, for knowing they were after all are merely something that Allah had used to teach him HIS INFINITE WISDOM and brings him back to HIS INFINITE LOVE. Because Prophet Muhammad SAW said " Man lam yasykurinnaas lam yasykurillah ". Those who doesn't thank human being certainly doesn't thank Allah.

Now, since he has refused me and doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore, I can only pray to Allah that He will lift His veil that cover his heart to accept the Truth, that he will be protected from the accursed devil by seeing that what he did was right (for refusing the Truth), that he will be healed (through which ever way Allah may show him), that he will never have any fear (except to Allah) in living his life and that he will find his true happiness and contentment with Allah (not with His creatures).

If only he knows......

May Allah always guide him to stay in the path of Truth!