Emotional Hijack

Yesterday I had three women cried; not on my shoulders but in front of me. And I wasn't the cause of their anguish. It's rooted to the problem they faced with the boss.

It was only the night before I was called by his wife asking me to tell them about their reporting duty and procedure. A threatened scenario seemed in store to emphasize their point, that I wasn't aware of. Because in the morning I told them what should be done and that the boss was unhappy with the situation. And they all aware of it. Yet, later in the day, something came up. The finance staff came with the news that the budget was put on hold, while regularly she supposed to pay the workers's salary. And she felt helpless. So she went to marketing staff and indirectly asked her to call the boss to apologize. She refused because she thought she felt she'd done nothing wrong and that she had told the wife as the vice director about the arrangement she made with the customer. Unfortunately, the boss wasn't happy and agreed with the arrangement.

Well, looking into the situation, I told her that I could understand her refusal. However, the common practice is that as an employee, our assessment depend on the employer's judgment. If he thought we're wrong, so be it. As an employee our obligation is to admit it. If he demanded an apology, let him have it. It is his rights. So I encouraged her to apologize on the phone, since he made decision to travel to another city for some reason. She said she wouldn't call him for fear that she would break up crying. Well, she'd already cried when we talked so I said 'Fine, Then just send him through short message'. She was the first I needed to console, to see the situation objectively and do the right thing.

I know I may not do the right thing in the boss' perspective. They may want her to speak directly to him. But I think in such situation, I just can't press the demand too much. So she text-ed him. Only she took further step by asking to step down from her current position. That part I left it to them to make their decision.

tears is a gift from our Creator

In another office, the finance staff was waiting and waiting for the approval to withdraw the cash and prepare the workers salary till noon. And it didn't happen. So she went back to her room and cried. Her colleague came and asked me to console her. So I went to her office and put her into perspective. I knew she felt guilty and sorry if the workers wouldn't get their salary while they needed it for their weekly expense at home. So I had to tell her that she worked based on what was available. If the boss demanded apology, they had it from the other crying staff. If they didn't satisfy with that, it is up to them and it is their rights. Her task is to prepare the necessary work to ensure payment is done on schedule. However the availability of the cash to pay isn't her responsible. It is the boss responsible. If they wanted to hold the cash, it is their responsible. It is their problem not hers. And if that happened, the best she could do was to make announcement that for some reason, the payment couldn't be done that day. So I asked her to take it easy. The day hadn't over yet. She could understand my point and calmed down by then. I left her room and continued my work.

Later while I was doing my work in front of computer, the two staffs talked with another accounting staff who was involved in the scene because she is responsible with the customer payment. They were outlining an answer to the question about the incoming payment from one of customers. And to some point, the accounting staff also broke up crying. My God, I couldn't believe it! Such a practical decision in doing their task with good intention to make their boss' lives easy could cause three women felt guilty, anguish and crying. Whatever their reason to cause such dramatic result, I really can't understand.

Listened half ear in their conversation, I then turned my back to face her and telling her that she shouldn't feel guilty over something that it wasn't her responsible. And she responded that someone definitely accused her for being that. I knew who she meant, yet I brushed aside and told her that the talk wasn't about to find out who's the culprit. The talk is to find solution to the problem. That she shouldn't feel under attack in every comment directed to her. If she admitted that she was still learning to do the work and not good enough, all the comment directed to her should be welcomed as a helping hand to do her work better and to correct what may not be right in doing it. If she keeps on feeling insecure and defensive in her response, she will not improve her work quality. So she calmed down and then talked some more about the question the boss asked her the other night.

People need liberation.
Their mind and feeling need liberation

As she related the story to us and found the weird thing the boss asked, she then told us about the answer that finally could make us laughing. The boss kept asking her 'Who told them to cash the payment check in such way?' And she kept answer the bank did. While he was expecting the name of the staff who made such decision, she kept given him standard information as though he didn't know about the banking procedure. I could understand his irritation in such situation. And we found the situation very funny and absurd that I, well, we couldn't help laughing it out.

That was a good ending to finish the suspense of yesterday event. And the salary? Well, they finally got the cash and paid the workers' salary. I finally knew that it was part of their scenario to emphasize their point that the boss needed to be involved in their decision.

Whatever their reason, I think using emotional hijack as a threat to other is a cruel act. I don't like to use it and I don't defend those who use it. People should be set free in making their choice and decision. If they don't agree with our point of view or do not understand, either we help them to see and understand our point of view or we respect their different choices. The boss may not realize what they had done to their employees, but there I was witnessing their turmoil mind and feeling. There's nothing I could do but helped them see the situation clearly. And I'm glad I was there to help. Alhamdulillah.

What a day!