Another Kind of Pilgrimage (5)

Pemission Matters

In one of the visited sites, after the ceremony had started quite a while, my colleague who sat next to me whispered something to one of the host committees. I wasn't sure what's going on, for the guy who was told kind of hesitated to do it. So I asked him what happened. And he told me that the host hadn't told our great spiritual teacher to enjoy the coffee and tidbits that were served in front of him. And I looked to his direction and saw that he didn't touch them until the host told him to enjoy them. And only after he took the cup that was in front of him that his assistance also started to enjoy the drinks and snacks in front of them. I realized and learned about the value of being courteous  understanding who's the host and who's the guest, understanding who we're in any location we visited, taking to heart the importance of permission and being careful and to pay attention even to the small matter.

I looked at myself and I see how careless I was in many things I did. Even in this journey, I was at fault that got me feeling ashamed of myself. And I learned my lesson. It happened when we were on the way home. We went to bookstore and I accompanied his wife. I bought mine and she bought hers but the money wasn't enough so I used mine without telling her. And the total amount paid, had me t-shirt as a bonus and I claimed it without telling her either. And then we went to batik boutique. Again, she asked me to pay in cashier using her money. Not a penny was mine. And again I had CD as the bonus. Not just one but two same discs of national songs. I told her about the bonus, but when I took one of CDs I hadn't asked her permission, making my own assumption that she would permit it.

As I sat in the car on the way home, my conscience telling me I was at fault. I felt ashamed of myself. So I sent her a message to her mobile asking apology for not asking her permission in taking the disc and opened it and played it in the car. And I promised myself that I would returned them all, the t-shirt and the CD. By the time we got to the restaurant, I gave them to the driver and told him, they're hers. As I met her in the restaurant, again I apologized verbally to her and told her that I had given the items back.

Of course, she said to me that it was alright, that the disc should remain in the car, that I didn't have to return it. For her it may not be a big problem and they may mean nothing. But my conscience and shameful feeling had me returned them all. That small matter had got me heavy in the heart. As always, rather than having a feeling regret and remorse for knowing being at fault but not doing anything about it, I did what my heart, my conscience telling me to do. All of this happened within me. It was between me and my Lord. And as I did what my heart told me to, I felt lighter. I learned my lesson to be more careful and pay attention to even the small matter that seemed meaningless. For even the smallest matter will be measured (99: 7-8)

So whoever does an atom's weight of good will see it, 

And whoever does an atom's weight of evil will see it.