An Eclipse in Friendship

Once upon a time there were two girls, let say their names were Franny and Jane. They met when they were in secondeary school but getting closer when they shared a room in school dormitory. Franny was a senior while Jane was her junior. They're friendship started there and kept on growing until Franny finished her higher education and had to leave the dorm. She decided to live in the nearby area by renting a house not long before she got married to her boyfriend.




And Jane continued her study in and visited her quite regularly together with her other friends who stayed in the dormitory. Sometimes she was asked to stay in Franny's house to keep her company. And she was a diligent girl, she didn't just stay a night or two but she also helped Franny to do house work like cleaning or ironing. When she finally had to leave dormitory she had choices to either stay with her sister or her friends who were going to share a rented house or Franny 'cos she offered hers. At this stage their relationship had grown to attachment. So she decided to stay with her.

When Franny married and got pregnant she helped her to do house work and take care of her baby boy while she continued her study in higher education. The boy was fond of her and loved her too. They'd grown to love each other that he was more content with her than Franny's other relative.

Just like any other relationship sometimes they had disagreement and quarrel over something. Feeling that she was younger and outsider in the house, Jane was the one who withdrew by hanging out with her friends. There was a time when Jane decided to leave the house and thought to not ever come back. But her attachment to the boy - who was by then about two years old was stronger. Regardless the situation, she decided to go back to the house. This time every time she had a fight and feeling sad, she would just leave the house and hang out with her friends to release her negative feeling. Just like the way any woman ease their sorrow by talking, she did too. She started talking her feeling out to her friends. Here's the part where then Franny heard that Jane was talking behind her back.

Franny tried to ignore the information. Until one day she had an message from her brother in law. He was asking what's wrong with him that his wife could have talked about divorce in her mobile message to Jane. Franny was furious about this. She felt she had enough with Jane. She called her and had a big fight. She asked what had she done to her that her brother in law could send her such message.

Jane said that his wife was checking on Jane over her quarrel with her in-law how was the situation there, in the house. Jane told as was but telling her that she just needed to be patience for now. Then the wife in her sorrow and depressed asked her if she should ask for divorce. And Jane was quite shocked, then told her 'No! Don't do that. Everything would be alright. Just be calm and patience'. All this was done through mobile message. It seemed that the husband read them and used it to raise a question to Franny.

It happened when one overshadowed the other

Furious over the situation, Franny then told Jane that she was the most stupid person that she had tried to be patience with her attitude and that she had enough. Franny couldn't accept it any more. She didn't want to be set against her family. She demanded Jane to take responsible over what she did. When Jane talked back at her that she would go to them and mend the matter, Franny refused her option. She asked her to be responsible yet she didn't give her a chance to do it.

Over this, Jane felt she also had enough. She told her how belittling Franny had treated her. She trusted her family more that she trusted her without seeing the whole situation clearly. She didn't see how hard she had tried to help her in the house that she had to wake early in the morning to go to market to get fresh vegetables. That she had helped her in her cooking chores. That she had washed their clothes and ironed them. That she had looked after her baby even when she was around. That she had to babysit him while she went on the meeting or asked to do some work. She was the one who accompanied her to babysit the baby when they went to other city to visit her family. She could have asked her relative to do that but she hardly do it. She took it all for granted. She thought with all the work Jane had done to her, she only deserved daily meals in the house.

After the big fight, Jane decided to leave the house. So she called her sister to help her get her things. As she calmed down, her sister tried to console her. She told her that blood is thicker than water. That family is still family. It is easy to throw away other people especially over something in fight, yet family is still family. That evening Jane's sister wrote a message in her wall "How happy I am in welcoming my family back".

After so many years of friendship, a total eclipse finally happened. Remind me of a broken friendship I had some years ago. Over this, it is my turn to take the lesson and make my own reflection over situation to help me see the matter objectively and hopefully can help them to be friend again. They are my friends. They both are good people with their flaws, aren't we all?! I know it isn't easy to bridge the two who had hurt each other badly. But hopefully both will learn their lesson over the fight.

Lesson to learn

People make friends because they're social creature. They have needs inside of them that can be fulfilled by other people. This needs is essentially called acceptance. In friendship, the acceptance of other brings contentment inside. It is a kind of validation that we are good. So we consider those who are good to us to be our closest friends and those who aren't good to us to be just common persons or even enemy.

Other people may think that Franny and Jane are good friends after their years of friendship and a shared roof. Apparently they're not always. They had made the other as their enemy that they could throw such harsh accusation towards each other and been blinded in looking at the kindness they have accepted from the other. Lesson to learn: See the good in others and be grateful of the kindness people do to you. They are doing you a favor.

Jane said that she had done her best in helping her. Yet Franny didn't consider all her effort in keeping her happy. Especially when she had people told her about Jane talking her bad behind her back. She kept her negative thinking of Jane in the back of her mind instead of clarified the matter with her and find compromise over the unpleasant situation. Jane had kept her wish to move out from the house quite sometime. Yet she was afraid to tell Franny for thinking she may not be happy and let her go. Lesson to lean: Silence isn't always golden.

Franny may be slower in her doing than Jane, that she couldn't finish her work faster or the same like Jane did. Or that she may have different ideas from Jane in running her household. Yet, over these, Jane should respect her by not taking over her responsible in doing house work or criticize her behind her back after they disagreed over something. When Jane started taking over Franny's responsible, she had let herself to be walked over. Especially when Franny had made the rule in her house that whoever wants to help, just help. She doesn't set a clear line of responsible for who is doing what. Lesson to learn: Being too good isn't very good

Jane had a need to be respected in her friendship with Franny. She wanted her roles in the house to be valued not just taken for granted. Franny had a need to be respected too, She wanted her choices to be respected not being disfigured behind her back. Each had the same need in their friendship, though in different forms. However since the needs related with the way they react and respond to each other, they also need to work on something else before they earn their respect. They need to respect their own selves. Jane needs to respect herself by not complaining over something that she kept doing it. Franny needs to respect herself by not letting Jane taking over her responsible in the house. Lesson to learn: Respect yourself before you earn the respect of other.

Friendship - or generally relationship between two persons is like the relationship of the sun and the moon. The sun and the moon is always revolving in its own orbit. If only it were just the two of them, there would never be anything called eclipse. It becomes eclipse when there was the third entity, that is the earth that stand in a line with them. It happened when the sun was doing its work to the earth but overshadowed by the moon or vice versa. So problem in relationship happened because there is a third person came in between two friends. The third person could be their other people, friends, family, relative or parents. This third person distract the relationship and they started see things differently. It's like one see the front side and the other see the back side. A very different view. When both are blinded, disagree and anger over it. we can be certain a fight can be expected. However as they try to move away from the other, the eclipse is finished. It gives them time to look at things objectively, clean up the negativity within and without to once again enjoy the relationship in a better and positive attitude. Lesson to learn: To make space in friendship or relationship is necessary.

I know if I let myself digging more, I can still find some lesson to learn. So I will stop and let you find your own treasure and reflect it into your friendship with your friends :)