Freeing The Self From The Past

Proper treatment is needed
to rest the past in peace

I was told that I was holding on to the past and that I was trying to be self righteous in the letter I wrote to my friend. That I didn't have humility and wisdom in the way I wrote it. I was sad with such accusation as well as confused by the statement. 

He probably thought that I blamed him by bringing up the past. I didn't. I merely stated that his innocence respond was in a way had left a mark and I need his help to make it right. Because in his sight I was wrong and I needed him to show me what's right and at the same time help me to see that I am accepted instead of being casted out as what I thought I had been treated.

This had me thinking about how people freeing themselves from their past.

The past is part of our life. We can't make a better start without putting the past to rest in peace. What I am trying to say is we can't really let go of our past because it had been part of our life, a memory that leave us either in peace, sadness, happiness, anger, frustrated, guilt or grieve. Since the only one that count the most is happy memory, peace and tranquility as it left us then the other feeling will usually left a "bad mark" to the soul.

Freeing the self from the past isn't about ignoring it just because it had happened so many time ago (days, months, years ago). In my opinion it can't be that way. Because somehow, the bad memory usually left its scar that without proper treatment will be like a time bomb, ready to explode at any given right-out-of-the-wrong moment.

People need to make peace with their fault, the wrong and unfavorable past before they can really put the past behind. Making peace to everything is very important.  Not only it gives us a peaceful sleep, it also liberate our selves from the unwanted wound that might hidden within psychologically.

REPENTANCE

It is why the first and most important thing to be done when people about to enter thariqah (any kind of thariqah) is called repentance. In arabic the word used is taubat, tawaba. It means to repent. And repentance must be expressed in the three states that human being can; they are the conscience of the mind of what is our fault, the promise to avoid the same mistakes and the effort to stay in a good side.

The work of conscience is very complicated especially when it is related with other human being. When it is related to God, it is very easy. All you have to do is tell HIM from the bottom of your heart, that you are in err, that you repent for what you have done and that you promise not to make the same mistake. But when the fault is related to other human being, there is a requirement we need to do, that is by asking forgiveness from those who we have err them.

Sometimes you will have their forgiveness, sometimes you don't and sometimes you also have scold and reprimant over the things you did. And the worst you have them loathing you for what you had done. At that moment, if we know in certainty whose approval that  we seek, then patience is the best virtues. And in repentance, it is our Lord, The Almighty Allah that we seek His approval. And His approval is in the way, bring us peace and tranquility regardless the treatment we had from the person.

There is a story from my spiritual teacher. When he committed himself to take the path, he was told by his teacher to be patience. That whatever treatment he was about to have, he must accept it with patience. So he was told. Indeed not too lomg after he was being told, somebody accused him as a thief and several people then hit him without even questioned him. Since he'd been told, he accepted the treatment and didn't retaliate. And after sometime, the guy who accused him found his conscience and stopped the crowd by telling them it wasn't him. It was someone else who looked like him.

This story taught me about this repentance relationship. People have their concept of karma. What you do in the past may find its rewards or punishment in the future. It may be right, but to me it isn't always like that. It is a matter of seeing in clarity what we did, do and will do in relation to other beings. Because each one of us is inter connected and inter dependant to other being. Our Creator had made it so.

THE RESTLESS PAST

The only way people can forget their past is when they have amnesia. And it is considered sickness. And when the past is forgotten without understanding and peaceful mind (and heart), certainly in due time when the memory is back it will cause another pain and suffering. We will feel cheated and betrayed for what had been hidden from our knowledge. Some film stories had told us that. I'd seen both the true story and the fiction one when that happened; name them 'The Vow ' by Channing Tatum and 'When you are sleeping' by Sandra Bullock.

 

Let the shadow of the past be of the delight ones 

When relationship ended badly, it has to be amended to have a better start or at least the two people won't end up becoming enemy. Making amendment isn't about finding a culprit or whose fault it was. It is rather seeking understanding that yes, our action has cause some harm / hurt to the other whether we did it deliberately or not. And working together to make the better start is also sbout understanding and respecting the other person better,. That their difference is actually a matter of different point of view. If love is the connector of the two, then love will find its way to amend the breach. And the new beginning will be a much better experience for both.

By understanding both sides of stories, the past can then be put to rest. And it will no longer be a nightmare or a ghost of the past that haunt their new beginning, anytime ready to create chaos and destruction.

THE FEMININE DOMAIN

People used to say that the portion of men and women in using their brain and feeling is in reverse. The logic used by men compared to their feeling is 9:1 while women used their feeling more than their logic. I can use this as an excuse when dealing with the past, though I may act differently.

Women often hold grudges especially when they were hurt in the past. Because they take the bad experience to heart i.e. used their feeling more than their logic, unlike men. Men could say that the past was the past as if putting the past into a big cupboard then lock it there and throw the key away, never open it anymore.  Because they used their logic and consider the past as a thing not a feeling.

That is why, the way women respond to the past is different. When they hate, they can hate vehemently.  When they love, they can love blindly. When they're sad, they can be sad miserably.  Almost everything must be fully emotional.

Well, knowing this state, as a woman, I don't want to lose my head over emotion.  That is why, I could feel hurt but at the same time, I could rationalize my feeling and find ways to overcome and avoid further damage on my self as well as others. I guess this must be why he thought I was trying to be self righteous and have no lack of humility. What I did was, I told him how I felt and at the same time told him how he should handle me to avoid the same mistake. I mean talking about self control. Alas! He misinterpreted my message.

When hearing women complained something, men shouldn't take it to heart. So often women only need someone to hear them. That they are loved, they are accepted. They don't always need a solution to their problem unless they ask for it. And once they are able to laugh at the situation and feel better, the bad past can turn into something hilarious and funny that later they can put it to rest. And omce in a while bring back the memory with different perspective.

I don't know about any other women, but I am that kind of women. And that's how I put my bad memory to rest in peace that later enable me to welcome the new beginning and be positive to anyone and anything.